Family Portrait
by McDreamOn08
Summary: The sequel to "Realize" - MerDer centric; separated after ten years of marriage and trying to raise a family in separate lives; will they find their way back to each other and happiness?
1. You Only Get What You Give

**Welcome to my new fiction. You will not need to have read Realize to understand anything in this, so I hope that you enjoy it!**

**Here's some background...**

**We are set ten years from where we finished in Realize, still Mer's POV... Mer and Derek have recently separated after ten years of a troubled marriage. Derek is the Chief of Surgery and Mer is Head of Neuro. **

**The Shepherd Children  
****  
Charlie - 15yrs  
Riley - 11 yrs  
Mia - 9 yrs**

**Izzie and George are both General Surgeons, together and married for nine years now living in Mer's house still when she moves back in with them.**

**The O'Malley Twins**

**Jordin (Girl) - 9 yrs  
Jacob (Boy) - 9 yrs  
**

**Cristina and Burke are still happily together but not married as they just don't care anymore. Burke is Chief of Surgery at Mercy West and Cristina is Head of Cardio at SGH. **

**Most characters will make an appearance, including Addie!**

**Enjoy!!**

* * *

"Charlie!" I called from the kitchen.

I heard her feet bound across the top floor as the hit the stairs with a thud; she ran down the stairs and entered the kitchen dressed in an outfit she had only bought yesterday. My jaw dropped as I saw her standing there in a short black mini skirt that barely covered her legs and a violet halter top that exposed her chest and barely formed female curves with a plunging neckline.

"Oh my god…" I gasped. "What the hell are you wearing?" I cried. "Get back upstairs and change into some jeans and a sweater!"

Charlie frowned.

"Try…no!" she exclaimed.

"Yes!" I shot back. "You are not going to school dressed in something that could barely pass as underwear Charlie!"

"_Dad_ would let me wear it!" Charlie replied defiantly.

"Ha! I don't think so madam! Your father would be mortified at the thought! He would kill you…and me, for that matter! Now go upstairs and get dressed!" I told her.

"Seriously!" Charlie cried.

"Charlie!" I chastised. "At least go and put a sweater on please! And then go and check on Riley and Mia…make sure they are ready to go to school…."

Charlie rolled her eyes and stopped at the kitchen door.

"Riley! Mia!" she shouted in the most shrill and high pitched tone I had ever heard in my life.

I put my hands on my hips.

"I could have done that!" I told her.

She bounded up the stairs as the new shoes she had bought to compliment the outfit hit the timber of the floor in loud thuds. I turned around and picked up Mia and Riley's lunches, shoving them in their back packs.

"Mom's taxi is leaving in two minutes!" I called out to the kids from the kitchen door, just as I had cringed at Charlie doing so two minutes earlier.

Riley was the first to come into the kitchen as he ran down the stairs, eagerly ready to go to school. He flicked open his lunch box.

"There's a treat in there for you," I said to him as I smiled and winked secretively.

"Mmm…thanks mom, the last of Aunty Izzie's chocolate brownies!" he replied excitedly.

"Don't tell your sisters!" I said kissing his forehead.

"Don't tell us what?" Charlie asked as she walked back into the kitchen with Mia closely in tow.

"That I…_oh my god_…!" I turned to stare at Mia who had destroyed her beautiful complexion with an erratic and messy array of brightly coloured makeup which had undoubtedly come from Charlie's makeup box that I thought was locked safely out of nine year old hands. Her lipstick was so carefully applied all around the edges of her mouth and every other place but her lips, her eye shadow raised high under her eyebrows and her hair was covered in glitter as her blonde curls sat loosely around her face. "Mia!" I gasped.

"Do you like my makeup?" she asked proudly.

"NO!" I cried. "Beautiful nine year olds with stunning lips and gorgeous big green eyes do _not_ need makeup!"

Charlie mustered a laugh.

"Grab some tissues and lets go!" I told them. "We are going to be late if we don't leave now, and it will be three times this week!" I turned to Charlie and shook my head with a heavy sigh. "Put your makeup out of your sister's reach please…"

The kids grabbed their backpacks and we all headed for the door as I tried my best to wipe off Mia's makeup as we walked to the car.

"Shotgun!" Riley yelled as he quickened his pace so that he could run for the front door of the Jeep.

"No way!" Charlie shouted as she raced over to the door and used all of her light weight to shove him out the way.

I groaned heavily as I stopped wiping Mia's face; I walked over in a brisk movement and grabbed onto their backpacks as I pulled them back from each other.

"Shut up!" I told them in a frustrated voice. I turned to Riley with a heavy sigh and shook my head. "You said it first, now before I change my mind and shove you in the trunk, get in!"

"Hands off the Prada!" Charlie cried as she whipped around and stared at me with dark eyes. She had an attitude that over the years she seemed to have learned from me to a degree.

"Charlie…not now…" I groaned as I was so not in the mood for her new obsession with labels. "Can you please strap your sister in?"

She rolled her eyes reluctantly and proceeded to help Mia into her seat belt, which was more of a frustrated grunt and click.

I reversed out of the driveway as I began to anticipate just what argument I would be refereeing in the car on the way to school today. They had been at Derek's house all week and I was just so happy to see them because I missed them so much when I couldn't see them every day. But when they came home each child was frustrated with the living arrangements and used arguing with each other as a way to vent their irritation. But it was so draining sometimes…

Charlie and Riley clashed so badly because they were so a like, yet so much like Derek and me in ways that were seemingly unimaginable. Charlie had come to be as stubborn as me and Riley was a tease and prankster like Derek.

I flicked on the radio to let _The Clash_ ring in my ears like a sign that had been sent to torture me on what was already becoming a difficult trip. I tried desperately to fight the urge to think of Derek but failed miserably.

"Hey mom, put on the Tegan and Sara album!" Charlie suggested as she leaned from the backseat over my shoulder.

"No mom! I wanna listen to the Clash!" Riley shot back as he whipped around in his seat and glared at Charlie.

"You were listening to it all week at Dad's!" Charlie exclaimed. "Go on mom, hit the button!"

"No don't do it mom!" Riley said quickly.

Charlie leaned forward in her seat and formed a fist in her left hand as she shoved Riley in the back; just as she did this, Riley whirled around and wriggled out of his seat belt to jab her in the leg.

"Quit it you little worm!" Charlie cried.

"Put on _High School Musical_!" Mia said over the top of the yelling as she attempted to solve the argument in her naivety.

"Kids!" I cried. "Leave the radio as it is or I will turn it off completely!"

"Are we going to see daddy today mommy?" Mia asked me hopefully; she really was daddy's little girl and the separation had been hardest on her because of her age. She didn't really understand the concept and wasn't adjusting at all.

"No honey, remember, you're with me this week," I told her as I looked into the rear view mirror and anticipated her reaction. I saw a hopeful look drop from her eyes and sadness form across the crystal green that was so much like me.

Inevitably, the split was hard on all of the kids as regardless of what I thought of Derek in that moment, he had always played a major role in every special moment of their lives. But when we built the house and Derek became chief, our lives became messy and we saw less of each other. We fought all the time and the kids were suffering as a result of it. As rational adults, or so we thought, we came to the conclusion that a separation was the only way it would work.

I moved back into my mother's house with Izzie and George who had been raising their twins Jordin, who was so much like her mother it was scary, and Jacob who had become a miniature George in ways I never could have imagined. When I had the kids, it was very crowded but Mia slept in my bed and it wasn't so bad.

But I resented the separation and my life was not as easy as I had imagined when the idea had first been brainstormed. My life was harder than it had been when Derek and I were together.

I pulled up at Riley and Mia's school to let them out.

"Bye mommy," Mia leaned over and kissed me from the back seat as she fiddled with her seat belt.

"Bye mom!" Riley said ever so casually as he flicked his dark hair out of his sapphire blue eyes and reached over for the door handle.

"Oh, excuse you mister!" I laughed as I grabbed him before he went to climb out of the car. I leaned over to kiss him on his cheek where he rubbed off the residue that my lip gloss left. "Bye sweetie," I smiled as I then turned to Mia. "_Now_, you be good miss!" I told her; she was extremely cheeky and was _always_ in trouble, in that respect she was so much like her father.

"Bye mom!" they called as I drove away.

I approached Charlie's high school and looked around at the groups of teenagers that congregated out the front on the lawn.

"Are you okay mom?" Charlie asked.

I looked at her and smiled at her caring voice.

"Of course I am babe…" I answered as I ran my fingers through her hair as I gently swept it to the side. "I am just thinking about some things…why do you ask?"

"Because I know that you miss dad…" she replied. "And you just haven't been yourself…"

I nodded.

"I'm okay honey," I told her with a brave smile that I couldn't even hide from my own daughter. "Have a great day," I said as I leaned over to kiss and hug her tightly. "Please, don't take that sweater off and don't stay on your cell phone all day…particularly in class; the phone bill was too expensive last week and I don't want another phone call from your Chemistry teacher!"

"Mom…it's chemistry! So boring!" Charlie cried.

I frowned.

"Coming from the same little girl who a little over ten years ago wanted to be a doctor!" I sighed.

"Love you mom!" Charlie kissed me again and climbed out the door.

"I love you too," I replied as I watched her step out of the car and have nearly every boy in the yard stop and stare. I watched her walk over to a crowd of boys and sit down.

She wasn't that little girl anymore…I thought to myself as I stopped to think about that little four year old that made my life more different than I could imagine.

**I really hope you enjoyed the first chapter; in this story you will see a very rebellious Charlie which will make this fiction very, very interesting!!**

**Mer and Derek need to realise a few things before we can work on them getting back together!!**

**Expect drama, tears and laughs as we fill the next installment!!**

**REVIEWS!!**


	2. Smoke Gets In Your Lies

"I swear…these children are going to send me on a one way express elevator to the psych floor…" I groaned as I threw my bag down on the floor where my belongings scattered across the ground in the attending's lounge.

"Mmm…tell me about it…" Izzie added on as she looked up from the couch and flicked a tired gaze in my direction. "Jacob is being so cheeky lately…even George can't handle it…poor Jordy is copping all of his cheekiness and she is just so sensitive…"

"Mia is the same," I told her. "She cries for Derek every night she is away from him…it's just so hard…" I sighed. "I mean, how can I tell a nine year old that her daddy drove his family away…?"

"But Derek didn't drive you away Mer…he begged you for weeks to come back…" Izzie reminded me.

"I know…but we fought so much…" I said softly as I put my head in my hands.

"You both chose to have kids…" Cristina walked in and rolled her eyes at all of the _mommy_ talk.

I laughed bitterly at her insincerity.

"I, on the other hand, am having the best sex ever…Burke and I do not have a care in the world…we can have sex whenever we want at any time of the day!" Cristina said as she picked up the makeup stained tissue that fell out of my bag. "I'm not using tissues by the tonne…" she picked up the cookies. "And I certainly don't have to worry about cookies and PTA committees!"

I stuffed one of Izzie's cookies in my mouth.

"The cookies are really, really good!" I told her with a mouthful of food.

I quickly changed into my scrubs as I continued to talk to Izzie about the upcoming events in the school that Mia, Riley and the twins attended. I reached out for an elastic to tie back my hair.

"Are the twins in the school play?" I asked Izzie as I pulled my hair back from my face.

"Yeah, Jacob is high and mighty on being a roadie…he's putting together some light show on his computer and mastering some crap about moving the equipment…" Izzie explained. "And Jordin is singing constantly because she's hell bent on the fact that she needs the practice…"

"Yeah, Mia is singing too!" I answered. "I never realised how pretty her voice was…"

"Fancy doing _High School Musical_ in middle school!" Izzie groaned. "I swear that CD gets more air time in our stereo than the Clash used to get when…oh…I…"

"It's okay, there are a lot of memories of Derek and I at that house…" I told her.

"But if I hear that song _Breaking Free_ one more time…I will…ohhh, it just makes me so mad!" Izzie whined.

I laughed as I started to walk away.

"We're soaring…" I sang.

Izzie screeched in frustration.

"Shut up!" she yelled.

I poked my head around the door.

"Flying…"

And then, before I could anticipate what was about to happen, a muffin came flying in my direction and I ducked to miss it as it nearly hit my face.

I started to walk away as I laughed before I could react to what was now about to happen, I ran into Derek.

"Crap!" I cried. "Oh, I mean…hi…"

Derek shuffled uncomfortably.

"How are the kids?" he asked.

"Fine…" I said equally as awkward. "Mia misses you…"

"Charlie…um…left her cell charger…I have it, it's um…"

"Yeah I know,"

"The play…it's um…great!"

"Yeah, Mia is really excited…"

"Are the twins in it?"

"Yep…"

"GREY!"

I whipped around to see Bailey and breathed a heavy sigh of relief.

"Yes Dr. Bailey?"

"I need a consult on a trauma that's just come in, can I borrow you?" she eyed Derek suspiciously.

"Sure thing!" I replied quickly. I turned to Derek. "Um…bye…"

Derek sighed and fought his urge to do more than stand there.

"Bye…"

Bailey and I headed for the pit and climbed onto the elevator.

"Thank you so much," I said to her.

"How are you?" she asked me sincerely.

"Life sucks," I answered.

She nodded.

"How are the kids?"

"They miss Derek…Charlie is just, well, she's a teenager…but her and Riley at the moment fight so badly that I am ready to kill them both!" I told Bailey.

Bailey chuckled.

"Tucker is the same…it's just the age…" she said to me.

The elevator dinged and we walked over to the trauma room where I entered.

I peered over at the films.

"Yeah, it's a subdural haematoma…" I muttered as I pointed to the clot in the scan. "I'll need to go in…"

Bailey nodded.

"I'll book the OR," she said.

I nodded.

As I walked back to the nurses' station, my phone rang.

"Hello?"

"Dr. Shepherd?"

I groaned to myself.

"Yes…"

"This is Principal Leeman calling from Seattle East High School…"

My eyes widened.

"Is there a problem?"

"Yes, I am afraid so…"

* * *

"Smoking?" I yelled as I came through the door of the principal's office at Charlie's school to find her sitting there smacking chewing gum rudely.

"I was holding it for a friend!" Charlie shot back.

"I have a major surgery today Charlie, and now you are going to have to come back to the hospital with me!" I told her.

"Dr. Shepherd, please have a seat…" Principal Leeman told me.

I sat down and frowned at Charlie, hard to believe that this could happen…

"I'm afraid I'll have to suspend you from school for three days Charlie, it's just not good enough…your grades are a matter of concern too and with drivers' ed coming up, I am just not sure that you are responsible enough to take the subjects…" he said to us.

"Seriously?" Charlie cried.

I grabbed her arm and squeezed it.

"Stop back chatting!" I told her.

"I will expect you back here on Thursday in my office at 9 a.m."

I nodded and shook his hand.

"Thank you, and we will certainly fix this problem," I promised. I whipped around and took Charlie's arm. "Let's go,"

She sat sullenly in the car and pulled her knees up around her chest with a stubborn look in her eyes.

"Smoking Charlie?" I cried.

Charlie shrugged.

"What possessed you? Do you know how many people come into the hospital to have lungs removed from lung cancer…?" I asked her as I shook my head.

"Relax mom!" Charlie cried.

"Relax?" I exclaimed as I pulled to the side of the road and slammed on the breaks. "Charlotte Shepherd! You have no idea what sort of harm smoking does to your body…if I _ever_, _ever_ find out that you are smoking again, you will be in so much trouble that you will never be allowed out again!"

"Sorry mom…" she sighed.

I looked over to see tears rolling down her cheeks.

"I'm sorry…I didn't want to yell…" I said softly as I reached over to touch her arm. "I don't like being mad at you…but sometimes you leave me no choice…"

"What about dad?" she asked.

"What do you mean?"

"Who is going to tell him?"

"About you smoking…um that would be you!" I said.

"What…?" Charlie cried. "Mom!"

"Sorry babe, but your dad doesn't need another reason to be angry at me!" I told her. I poked her gently. "But you know he can't be angry at you for long…"

Charlie groaned as I continued to drive; we pulled up at the hospital and got out of the car. We approached the doors and Charlie stopped.

"Come on," I sighed as I put my arm around her.

We waited for the elevator and when it arrived we climbed on it, waiting for it to take us to the floor where Derek's office was.

Charlie knocked on his door.

"Dad…" she called.

Derek opened the door and his eyes widened.

"Hey sweetie, what are you doing?" he asked hugging her. "Are you sick?"

I shook my head.

"I have to tell you something dad…" Charlie said.

I looked at him with pleading eyes as he stepped aside to let us into the office.

"So, talk to me…" he said eyeing me suspiciously.

"Well I kind of got suspended…" Charlie said.

Derek's eyes nearly popped out of their sockets.

"What for?" he cried jumping up out of his chair.

"Umm…smoking…" Charlie mumbled.

"Smoking?" Derek yelled.

"Derek…calm down," I told him.

"Do you know how many lungs we take out every year because of lung cancer that is caused by smoking?" Derek shouted. His face had turned bright red and veins were popping out all over the place.

"Dad…I'm sorry…" Charlie started to cry.

"Yes, and you're grounded!" Derek told her angrily. "I am so disappointed in you Charlie…"

Charlie started sobbing and jumped up as she ran for the door.

"Charlie!" I called after her as the door slammed behind her. I turned to Derek and shook my head. "She made a bad decision…at some point in our lives…we all do that Derek,"

Derek's eyes flared with anger as his blue looked ever so sad.

"What is that supposed to mean?" he snapped.

"You and I made a lot of bad decisions!" I shot back. _Separation was by far the worst…_

I darted my eyes to lock with his in a gaze full of unspoken emotions.

As I left the office, Charlie had already begun to make her way down to the cafeteria where she ran straight into Mark.

"Charlie!" Mark was startled. "What are you doing here babe?"

"I got suspended from school," Charlie told him.

"Whoa!" Mark chuckled. "What for?"

"Smoking…" Charlie grumbled.

Mark's eyes widened.

"What the hell were you thinking?" he cried.

"Oh please, not you too!" Charlie's eyes welled with tears.

Mark sighed heavily and put his arm around her.

"Charlie, I am not going to yell at you because I'm sure your dad has already gone ballistic, but don't _ever_ smoke again!" Mark warned. "Now, do you want a hot chocolate? My treat,"

Charlie managed a smile.

"Got a cool surgery today?" she asked him as they collected their drinks.

"A hemiglossectomy at two," Mark replied.

"Cool, can I watch from the gallery?" Charlie asked.

"Clear it with your dad," Mark told her. "I've gotta go, but I'll see you soon…and no more smoking!"

Charlie smiled.

I saw her from down the hallway and made my way over to her.

"Honey, I need you to find a spot out of the way and make a start on your homework," I told her.

Charlie groaned.

"Hurry up…" I said again.

As she went to walk away I grabbed her arms.

"Hey…" I tilted her chin so she could look up. "I love you, no matter what you do…"

"Love you too mom…"

But how could love stop my little girl from making such bad mistakes? I mean, they say mistakes help us learn…but I certainly didn't want her to make a fatal mistake and get hurt.

**This is the beginning of a very big rollercoaster ride with Charlie!! Be prepared for a lot worse!**

**As always, REVIEWS!!**

**Amy.**


	3. Surprises

**Some have asked me if Mer and Derek are divorced...no they're just separated. This chapter is based around something very important! Mer is trying her best to be a single mom, but is finding it more difficult than she expected!! Stay with me though, it will be a rollercoaster of emotions!!**

I walked over to the oven to take a peek in at the pasta bake I had been cooking for nearly an hour an a half that day. For some odd reason, Mia was only eating red pasta this week which was so typical to a nine year old and Riley, who usually ate anything, was extremely insistent that cheese accompanied his dinner that evening. Charlie, on the other hand, had decided that there was no way she was eating the carbs I was supposedly loading her with.

"I can't eat it mom!" she cried in the most dramatic of tones I had heard all week. "I'll never fit into my Spring Fling dress!"

I whipped around while still holding the pasta spoon.

"Since when are you going to the Spring Fling, Charlie?" I asked with every ounce of disbelief that my fifteen year old daughter would be attending an event that held the same reputation as prom.

"Since Jeremy Mitchell asked me to go, mom," Charlie replied flippantly as she casually flicked through a _Teen Vogue_.

I frowned at the idea and tried my best to remain a _cool_ mom.

"Honey…I don't know…I mean, for one, I don't know this Jeremy Mitchell…how old is he?" I asked her as I put a plate of pasta in front of Riley and then one if front of Mia as they sat there patiently. I pushed Mia's crayons and colouring books out of the way.

"He's…um…seventeen…" Charlie said; as my eyes widened she covered her story with the best excuse yet. "But I am nearly sixteen!"

"Seventeen?" I cried. Yeah, _cool_ mom went out the window when the age flew through the door. "Oh, no way Charlie…he is _way_ too old!"

"Mom!" she exclaimed.

"I'm sorry babe, but I just do not think that going to the Spring Fling with a seventeen year old is a good idea…" I sighed. "I really, really hate to be the bad guy here but I have to assume some kind of responsibility…" I tried my best to sound slightly sympathetic, but I didn't care, because there was no way some seventeen year old little creep was going to get his hands on my daughter. "And I'm sorry, but letting you go to the Spring Fling with a seventeen year old boy is well…you know your father and Mark would kill him with scalpels Charlie!" I tried not to bring Derek into but I couldn't help myself. "And believe me, that could be a whole lot more painful than a shot gun!"

Charlie groaned and put her head down on the bench as she poked at her food lazily.

"I have to set an example for the little kids Charlie…" I sighed. "So that they see the right thing from their big sister…" at that point, I turned to look at Mia and Riley and gasped. Mia was holding a crayon between her index and middle finger and pretending it was a cigarette. "Mia Jasmine Shepherd!" I cried as I snatched it out from her hands. "Don't you dare do that again!"

"But Charlie did it!" Mia whined in the most horribly excusing tone I had ever heard.

"That's because Charlie is very stupid…" Riley muttered under his breath; but everyone heard him as his intentions were.

"Riley James!" I warned.

Riley shrugged.

I groaned to myself and looked at Charlie as my eyes darted across her face and desperately pleaded for her to listen to me.

"Just finish your dinner please honey," I pleaded. "And then can you go up to your room and bring me down any laundry you need to be washed…?"

She nodded and continued to eat her dinner sullenly while I tried my best to excuse her behaviour to Mia.

Later that night, I was stacking dishes in the dishwasher so that when Izzie and George and the twins came home that night, I wouldn't have to face the wrath of Izzie from the dirty dishes. I looked up momentarily to see Charlie enter the kitchen.

"Mom…" she said quietly.

"Yeah honey?" I replied quickly.

"I'm sorry about today…"

I looked up to see her eyes fill with tears and begin their journey down her beautifully high cheekbones that were usually raised with a smile…not today though.

"I just…I didn't think…and I just…" she sobbed.

I felt my heart beginning to melt as though someone had come and ripped it from my chest and held it to an open flame. A gut wrenching feeling that existed with only one other moment – the day I moved out.

"I know you are sweetie…" I pulled her over to me and hugged her tightly as I felt her grip strengthen on me. "Sweetheart, I know this whole separation has been hard for you…it's hard for all of us…"

Charlie nodded through her tears.

"I miss dad so much…" her sobs grew louder as she broke down in my arms and trembled with her tears. "I just wish that…" she sobbed.

"I know honey…me too…" I sighed heavily with the known fact that Derek and I had a _very_ big problem.

It wasn't before too long that Charlie made her way upstairs. On her way past Riley's room that Mia sometimes shared with him, she poked her head in to say goodnight to them.

"Night Mia…" she said softly as she saw Mia laying on the spare bed in the room flicking through a set of sheet music, as it appeared.

Mia looked up and smiled.

"Night Charlie…"

Charlie looked around.

"Where's Riley?"

Mia shrugged.

"Mia…" Charlie said.

"Yeah?"

"Don't smoke, okay?"

"Okay…"

"It makes mom and dad really, really mad…"

Mia nodded at the wise words coming from her big sister.

"Is dad coming home soon Charlie?" Mia asked innocently with all hope in her eyes.

"No Mia…he isn't…" Charlie sighed as she sat down next to Mia on the bed and tried to comfort her baby sister with her arms. "But you know…he's still dad… and he always will be…"

Mia hugged Charlie.

"Not if he isn't with mommy…" she said softly.

"I know," Charlie agreed.

She got up quickly and smiled.

"Wanna come and sleep in my bed tonight?" she asked.

Mia nodded just as Riley walked in.

"Are you in big trouble with mom and dad?" he asked as his big blue eyes searched his sister's vacant facial expression that usually told him so much about what she was feeling.

"Oh yeah…" Charlie answered. At that point, however, she realised that at least if she couldn't see her dad every day…Riley was enough of a resemblance to remind her of him.

Riley laughed.

"Night Riley…" Charlie and Mia left the room and went into Charlie's bed as they both fell asleep.

Riley closed his door and did the same.

That night, my cell phone buzzed incessantly and I flicked it open to read,

_**Text Message**_

_**From**_

_**DEREK**_

My heart skipped a beat when I fumbled with the buttons to open the message as it flashed in front of me; it read,

-_We need to talk_

I felt my heart do a double back flip as I tried desperately to respond as calmly as I could.

_-I know_

I waited momentarily for a response and then it came.

_-Now?_

My stomach fluttered in a combination of excitement and nervousness.

­_-It's late_

_-I know – open the front door, it's freezing_.

I drew in a sharp breath as I realised that he was here; at my house – what used to be our house…but now he is at his own house…the one that he designed and build _for us_.

Great! Now my thoughts are rambling; get a grip of yourself Meredith and go down and open the freaking door!

I tried my best to fight the urge to run down the stairs and straight into his arms. I looked over at the clock and read 11:45pm, I knew that all children would be asleep. So in my best attempt to compose myself, I neatened my hair in the mirror and made my way down the stairs.

**Yes, he is here to talk!! The next chapter will reveal the marriage breakdown at it's best...**

**Be prepared!!**

**AND PLEASE REVIEW!!**


	4. Mistakes

**I hope you enjoy this chapter...**

I opened the door to see him standing there; his slight five o'clock shadow was evident around his jaw line as he looked dreamier than ever. But something certainly wasn't right, I thought to myself; something was not Derek… I looked into his eyes and knew the vacant and shaky look he flashed back at me straight away; it was a post-Mark look; a drunk look.

"We need to talk Meredith…" he said shakily.

Yep, that was definitely the smell of alcohol that seeped from the tail end of his breath and made its way straight up my nostrils.

"Are you drunk?" I asked him.

"Mmm…a little…" Derek answered.

He saw my judging and angry look just as he attempted to cover his tracks.

"No, no…not _drunk_ drunk… I'm totally sober enough to be here to talk to you…" Derek assured me. "Well the alcohol helped my courage slightly but…"

I frowned at him, unimpressed with his justification.

"Are you going to let me in?" he asked.

I stepped aside to allow him through the small gap I had left in the door. I wasn't exactly being friendly…but I hoped I could make some sense out of drunken Derek.

We walked into the kitchen and I watched him steady himself to sit down.

"Mer…" he sighed as I slammed down a cup of coffee in front of him in frustration.

I sat on the chair next to him and held my coffee cup in my hands as I gave him a look I had never before; I was angry that he was drunk, but I wanted answers.

"What are you doing here?" I asked him.

He reached out to take my hand as I set my coffee cup down on the coaster at the dining table but I pulled it away briskly.

"Don't…" I told him.

"You said today…" he looked at his watch quickly. "Is it still today…?"

"It is still today," I snapped.

"You said that we have made some big mistakes…do you think the when we got married…I mean, are you saying that our mistake was getting married?" he asked me sadly.

The words hit me like the force of a bullet to my heart as I tried to find the best way to answer that question.

"I don't know Derek…" I said softly as I searched for answers in his eyes like I have done a million times before. "I think when you became the chief after Richard retired and I took the Head of Neuro job…I think then we started making mistakes…"

Derek put his coffee cup down.

"I know…" he said.

"And we fought so much…" I told him sadly as I tried to find reasons for it myself; letting the justification sting my heart. "We let the kids take everything away…we didn't have fun…"

"We were always too busy for each other…" Derek sighed as he let his eyes drop to the mahogany of the table top.

I nodded in agreement as I knew that every time we fought, we either blamed each other or our busy lives.

"Before we had the kids…we _always_ made time for each other Derek…it was never an effort…" I said.

"I know a big mistake…" Derek spoke up.

I looked up at him, wondering what was about to come next…something about me and my selfishness, no doubt.

"We stopped having sex…" Derek said.

I nodded and knew that it was true.

"Meredith…we _always_ made time for sex…hell, we even did it in a supply closet…exam rooms…on call rooms…" Derek sighed. "We went from three years of making babies to the couple who had sex on the odd occasion…"

I nodded and put my head down.

"And then we even got too busy for that…" I sighed.

Derek gingerly reached for my hand one more time in hope that I would allow him to touch me…fresh wounds surfaced with the tenderness of his touch as I allowed my hand to fall into his so perfectly; like the fit was meant to be. I noticed his grip tighten as he attempted to hold on.

What was he holding onto?

Was he holding onto my hand…

Or me?

"What happened to us Derek?" I sighed heavily.

Our eyes met in a moment that defined a response better than a thousand or so words; meaning more than any love story, giving more reasons for the argument on the checklist. This _was_ more important than any justification that he could have offered me in that moment as the green sucked the blue into a trance. In every attempt to bring me closer, Derek pulled at my chair so that our faces were barely an inch apart.

"Mer…" Derek whispered.

I shook my head as our lips came a little closer together…I wouldn't do this…not now… not again…

"I want to make us work…" he said to me as we drew closer again and came a little too close.

"No…" I jumped up and ran upstairs as I leaned against the wall in the hallway. "I can't do this, I can't do this, I can't do this, I can't do this, I can't do this…"

As those words were escaping my mouth in quick frantic gasps, I pressed the sweating skin of my forehead that was now pulsating with self consuming thoughts, against the wall and immediately felt his presence.

"I can't do this…" I said once more before I turned around and allowed myself to face him, and in some way face my problem.

"I'm sorry…" he said quietly and distantly.

I stopped for a moment, letting my breathing steady once more from the angry and frustrated grunts that I exhaled. I then turned and walked into my bedroom… he followed me and stopped as he looked around; memories flooding back to him as his eyes darted to the bed that was so familiar.

"Meredith…" he pressed.

I shook my head at the sound of his voice, but as I went to say something, I felt his hands spin my waist around and bring me closer to his body where his lips moved closer to mine.

Closer…

And closer…

Until finally they touched.

I let our lips remain uninterrupted for a moment as they pressed together, seeking contact and nothing else at that moment, enjoying the sensations that tingled beneath one another. As they meshed, I parted mine slightly and sought the kiss to deepen as he tugged at the hair elastic that held my hair in place. Letting it loose, the waves fell gently and cascaded down my back so that he could run his fingers through it. He missed the touch of the tangles…more importantly; he missed the scent that tantalised his nostrils as lavender seeped from the curls that fell around my face.

And at that moment, it was all I needed as his fingertips flared the goosebumps of my arms that were rising to the surface with his touch. I knew how much I missed this touch more than anything…

I fumbled nervously with the buttons on his shirt and tried my best to expose his skin that I sought to touch so desperately. Our kisses were now deepening and becoming more demanding as we both wanted more from what was happening. After I had unbuttoned his shirt, I leaned forward to kiss the skin of his chest, the sparse hairs tickling my cheeks and chin as I pulled him over to the bed and pushed him down on it. I fell down onto his chest and straddled his waist as he lifted my sweater over my head and fumbled with my bra clasp…

I struggled to unclip his belt as I breathed heavily in frustration; this was so difficult – I guess that is what it's like not to have sex in three months. He flipped me onto my back and chuckled slightly as he pulled it out in one swift movement leaving the easy part for me as I lowered his pants quickly and felt the pressure beneath his boxers. I couldn't believe that this was happening.

Derek almost gasped as every inch of lost clothing revealed my sexy lingerie.

"Were you expecting someone…?" he murmured through kisses.

I shook my head as our last items of clothing were removed and we lied together naked…exploring each other's bodies all over again; reacquainting each other with our most sensitive and desired places.

I lied back against the bed and felt the familiarity of our love making restore itself in my mind as we became ready for each other.

It wasn't before long that we found ourselves laying together and wondering what had just happened.

Derek leaned over me and brushed a strand of damp hair from my face.

"I miss you…" he whispered as he pressed his lips to mine.

I stopped and darted my expression across his face, trying to seek the right answer…a word…anything…

But nothing could describe what was happening.

"What are we doing?" I jumped up and pulled the sheet to my chest. "Oh… Derek…I just…this is…and I mean…if the kids…"

"Mer…slow down…" he coaxed.

"Derek…I can't do this to the kids…if they found out…oh, you have to go…" I sighed, so desperately not wanting him to. "Please…" I begged.

He nodded sadly before leaning over to give me one more kiss.

"I still love you…" he whispered.

I nodded and watched him change before heading for the door one more time. I let a tear slip down my cheek as I watched him walk away.

**Stay with me...it's definitely the start of something okay!!**

**REVIEWS!!**


	5. Not So Secret Affair

**Okay - there have been a lot of questions and I can see why... someone asked how long they've been separated...that would be three or so months.. They are not divorced - just separated... I hope everyone is enjoying it!!**

_What had I done?_

I awoke from a little over an hour's sleep the very next morning to Charlie opening the bedroom door.

"Mom…" she said quietly.

I groaned and rolled over.

"Are you awake?" she asked again.

I nodded from the mound of pillows that had become ever so messy from last night and finally, I greeted the sunshine with my eyes…

_How ironic_…_sunshine in Seattle when the thunderstorm has hit…_

Charlie climbed into bed with me and nestled close, something she had not done in a long time up until about three months ago…when Derek and I split.

"Can I ask you something mom…?"

I rolled onto my side to face her as her beautiful blue eyes asked a million questions in the simple flick of an eyelash. She wanted answers from me right then, and I couldn't give them to her… you see, it's hard to give answers when you haven't got a clue yourself.

"What is it?" I asked her with a heavy sigh. "But if it is about Spring Fling, honey the answer is still no…"

Charlie shook her head.

"Mom…I just need to know…do you think you and dad will ever get back together?" she asked.

I pursed my lips for a moment, wondering if there was any chance…the slightest inclining that she knew about last night…surely not, because if I know my daughter, she would be mortified at the thought.

"Why do you ask me that question?" I sighed.

"Because I need some hope!" Charlie exclaimed dramatically. She threw her head back against the pillows and exhaled a long, resentful groan. "I mean, I know that there is like an unspoken crap or whatever between you and Aunty Iz…oh and Aunty Cristina, well she gives it away all the time…"

I sighed heavily.

"Charlie…" I brushed a lock of auburn hair from her face. "Your dad and I, we have such complex problems sweetie…that there would be no way in earth we could fix them over night…"

_We certainly tried…_

"But are you trying?" Charlie cried in exasperation. "I mean, god mom, you two love each other…"

"Charlie…I still love your dad very, very much darling…but I just…anyway, we need to get everyone organised for school so that you and I can go to the hospital…" I told her as I sat up.

She rolled her eyes.

"I'll help Mia," she offered.

I smiled at what a great sister she was at times as she moved into the hallway and headed for her bedroom.

"Good morning beautiful!" came Izzie's voice as she saw Charlie.

"Good morning Aunty Iz," Charlie answered.

Izzie knocked on Jordin's door.

"Jordy, breakfast!" she called before she tapped on Jacob's door. "You too, Jacob!"

"Iz…" I called out.

She turned around and smiled.

"Hey…"

I motioned for her to come into the room.

"Close the door," I said quickly.

She followed my instructions and moved hesitantly over to the bed where she knew I had big news.

"What's wrong?" she asked as she studied the pale expression of my face and the startled gaze I was flashing her. "Mer, seriously, you're starting to freak me out!"

I shook my head repeatedly.

"I did something terrible…well it didn't seem terrible at the time…and well he just…it's just well Derek texted me…" I rambled.

"He texted you?" Izzie exclaimed. "God, this is so freaking typical of McDreamy…starting the whole text frenzy…"

"He came over and he was drunk…" I continued as I saw Izzie's expression change again as her eyes nearly bulged out of their sockets in absolute shock and anticipation.

"He came over?" she shrieked. "I hope that is the only _came_ you are going to use in this conversation…"

"Not exactly..." I said tentatively.

"You had sex?" Izzie screeched.

"We talked about us…what went wrong…all of our mistakes," I explained in the best way I could. "And then we had sex…absolutely out of this world, mind blowing, amazing sex…and then…I sorta kicked him out of the house…"

Izzie laughed.

"You kicked him out?" she repeated.

"I didn't want to Iz…but the kids…oh god, I couldn't have them finding out… they don't need it…it would just make everything so damn complicated…" I said to her. "Charlie doesn't need complicated right now…but I don't want any of them to get hurt or to make this separation any harder than it already is…"

"Mer…" Izzie shook her head. "You know as well as I do that Derek would never, ever hurt you or the kids again…he still loves you…" Izzie told me.

I nodded, know that she was most definitely right.

Four heads poked around the door and I looked up only to start laughing at how funny it looked. Izzie giggled too as Jacob, Jordin, Mia and Riley all entered the room and perched themselves on the end of the bed.

"Good morning!" I smiled as Mia and Jordin came and sat in my arms and Riley and Jacob sat next to Izzie.

"Aunty Mer…" Jordin said quietly.

"Yes honey?" I asked her.

"Can you please take Mia and I to the mall on Saturday? Mom is working and we are just dying to get the new High School Musical cd…" Jordin asked sweetly as her beautiful blonde locks fell below her big brown eyes as she swooped it to one side.

"Of course sweetie," I replied.

"You need a haircut honey," Izzie ran her fingers through Jordin's long locks and smiled.

"It's okay," Jordin replied. "I like it long…"

"Well make sure you tie it up today…" Izzie told her as she kissed her forehead gently.

"Jacob honey, can you and Riley go and clean up the fort in the lounge room please?" I asked the boys.

Jacob smiled at me.

"Okay," he answered.

"Thank you," I said. I pulled Riley over for a quick cuddle that I missed so much when he was away. "Can you do that for me?"

Riley nodded and kissed my cheek.

"Girls, go and get Charlie to do your hair," I told them as I sat up. "Remember, you're all catching the bus today, so you all need to start getting ready,"

The girls ran from the room giggling.

As I started to get dressed I heard the commotion that sounded from the bathroom door momentarily.

"Charlie hurry up!" Riley yelled. "I need to pee!"

"We have other bathrooms!" Charlie yelled back.

Riley pounded on the door.

"They're all filled with girls!" he shouted. "Hurry up! I know you are only fixing yourself up for that creepy Jeremy Mitchell so get over it already! You're not even going to school!"

He leaned against the door in frustration as George emerged, wondering what all of the commotion was about.

"Uncle George…make Charlie come out from the bathroom please!" Riley pleaded.

George laughed.

"I'll try what I do to Jordin…" he said slyly. "Hey Charlie…" he called from the door.

"I'm nearly done!" Charlie shot back.

"I'm coming in…" George told her.

"The door is locked and I am in my bra!" Charlie replied.

George winked at Riley.

"I can pick the lock honey, and seriously, do you think I care about seeing you in your bra…? I have known you for ten years…bathed you…watched you pee…" George stirred.

Charlie screeched in embarrassment.

"Seriously Uncle George?" she cried.

"Picking the lock…" George rattled the door knob.

The door flung open to reveal a frustrated Charlie.

"Good morning sweetheart," George kissed her cheek.

"Hurry up kids! The bus is going to be here in an hour or so and I hate to remind everyone that no one has had any breakfast!" came Izzie's voice from downstairs.

Riley groaned and shoved Charlie out of the way.

"Get over yourself!" he told her in the most frustrated and irritable tone ever known to an eleven year old…but then again, he is Derek's son…

George quickly grabbed Charlie's arm.

"Hey…no more smoking I hope?" he asked.

"Seriously, not you too…" Charlie sighed.

"Oh honey, I'm sorry everyone has been on your case about it, I was just checking…" George answered. "Now who is this little creep Mitchell Jeremy?"

His name is _Jeremy Mitchell_!" Charlie replied. "And he is a freshman who asked me to the Spring Fling…"

"Freshman…you're not a freshman for two years…" George used his fingers to count the age. "He's seventeen?" he exclaimed. "Oh, Charlie, no way, he is too old for you!"

Charlie rolled her eyes and made her way down the stairs, snatching up one of the two belts of mine in my bedroom on her way.

The beauty of raising a teen…

* * *

I arrived at the hospital with Charlie closely in tow only to be immediately confronted with Cristina.

"Since when do you run a home schooling system?" she asked as she eyed Charlie. "You're a surgeon, not a teacher…"

"Cristina, she can't be left at home all day on her own…" I protested.

Charlie groaned.

"I'm totally responsible!" she cried.

"Yeah, because smoking in the girls bathroom under a vent during class is really responsible Charlie," I sighed.

"What, and you having sex with dad last night is setting a good example mom?" Charlie retorted.

I stopped dead in my tracks and Cristina's eyes widened so much that I thought at one point he eyelids would split in two.

"You had sex with McDreamy?" she yelled.

Izzie walked in.

"Oh good, you told her…" she commented.

"No, your big mouthed niece told her…" I whipped around to glare at Charlie in a way that made me more like a friend than her mother in that moment. "How did you know?"

"Oh please mom," Charlie groaned as she handed me my lab coat. "I wasn't born yesterday…my bedroom over looks the driveway, for one…I heard his car pull up…" she explained. "Not to mention, dad's favourite black leather belt…" she pulled the belt from her handbag. "…was hanging over the chair this morning…"

"Charlie…" I sighed heavily. "Maybe you could go and find something to do while I spend some time talking to your aunts?"

Charlie rolled her eyes and walked out of the attending's lounge.

"So tell me…what is the name for a person who sleeps with her ex husband?" I asked them.

"A self adulterer?" Izzie suggested.

"Emotional suicide!" Cristina cried. "Not to mention a ticket back to the dirty ex-mistresses club!"

"At least McSteamy will be happy about that!" Izzie added.

"God…what am I doing…?" I groaned as I sank back down into the lounge and let loose a long and distorted groan.

* * *

In the meantime, Charlie was making her way through the hospital hallways, doing what she did best – turning heads.

"Where are you off to young lady?" came a voice that was very, very familiar to her.

She whipped around.

"Hi Miranda!" Charlie smiled as Bailey walked over.

"Hey honey," Bailey smiled putting charts down at the nurses' station. "So what are you doing home from school?" she asked.

"Seriously, the only thing that spreads worse than disease in this hospital is gossip! How do you not know?" Charlie cried.

Bailey laughed.

"So fill me in on the gossip…" she prompted.

"I'm sorta suspended from school…" Charlie looked down.

"Not cutting class again are we?" Bailey asked; she knew that Charlie had tendencies to cut school and go shopping.

"Um…smoking _and_ cutting class…" Charlie muttered.

"Smoking?" Bailey exclaimed. "Charlotte Shepherd!"

"I know, I know…you take out lungs every year because of lung cancer caused from smoking…yada yada yada…I've had the third degree from everyone already!" Charlie cried. "Now, I have to find my dad…do you know where he is?"

"He's in his office honey," Bailey answered.

Charlie nodded and continued to make her way to Derek's office. When she approached the door, she knocked gently.

"Come in!" Derek called.

Charlie walked through the door and smiled at him; his head still down.

"Hey dad!" she said happily.

Derek looked up.

"Hi honey!" he replied, equally as happy to see his daughter. He got up and walked over to give her a hug. "Did you come to work with your mom today?"

"Yeah, apparently I'm not responsible enough to be trusted at home on my own…" Charlie groaned.

"Yeah, I tend to agree with your mother on that one…" Derek replied with a chuckle. "So why are you talking to your boring old dad when you could be watching your mom in OR2 at ten with a hemispherectomy… or Mark in OR1 with a calvarian bone harvest?"

"Well…" Charlie reached into her bag. "I thought I would return your favourite belt…"

Derek nearly choked.

"Seeing as though you left it at the house last night…" Charlie added on.

Derek's eyes widened at how incredibly bright and astute his daughter was.

"Yeah…I am not going to talk about the fact that you and mom are having sex but aren't together…but just to clarify…it is more than sex isn't it dad?" Charlie asked.

Derek was completely lost for words.

"Isn't it dad?" Charlie repeated.

"Of course it is Charlie…but your mother and I have very, very complex problems and we can't just…work it out in one night…" Derek sighed. "I am really trying to make it work Charlie…but you know your mother…"

Charlie nodded.

"She can't be pushed…" Derek told her.

"But you're trying?" Charlie questioned.

"I'm trying honey…I promise…" Derek smiled. "Now, go and watch a surgery or something…keep out of trouble…"

Charlie tossed the belt onto the desk and kissed her dad on the cheek.

"Love you dad,"

"Love you too precious," Derek answered.

I was walking up the corridor when I saw Charlie exit Derek's office. I knew that somewhere along the line I had to bite the bullet and get this confrontation over with.

I made my way slowly to his office and lingered at the closed door for a while until a loud and amused voice interrupted me.

"A little scared of something Meredith?"

I whipped around to see Mark standing there.

"God, you shouldn't sneak up on people…hasn't anyone ever taught you manners?" I cried.

Mark chuckled at my nervous talk.

"What's the problem?" he asked.

"Work stuff…" I replied quickly.

"Oh, what did you do?" Mark asked with a laugh. "Are you screwing another man? Because I'll kill him…just like this Jeremy Mitchell kid that O'Malley has been talking about!"

"Oh the freshman who wants to take my fifteen year old to the Spring Fling… yeah, I wouldn't mind killing him myself…" I laughed.

Mark shook his head and continued walking.

I knocked on the door of the office.

"Come in…" Derek called out.

I mustered the courage to walk through the door. He looked up from his paper work as I clicked it shut gently.

"Hi…"

**I hate to leave you hanging there... I know it's mean and cruel, but I am just trying to get a bit of bulk for the next chapter...**

**PLEASE REVIEW... the more I get, the closer I will be to posting the next chapter!!**

**Amy.**


	6. Breathing

**This is a bit of a conversation between Derek and Meredith; it's short, but it requires it's own chapter I think...**

"Hi…" I said.

He stood up as I made my way over to the desk hesitantly, not knowing what the hell I was doing or how, in fact, I got there.

_Why was I so nervous?_

_This was Derek…_

_Look at those eyes…_

_God! Get a hold of yourself Meredith!_

"I…um…sorry to bother you…" I stammered.

"You could never bother me Meredith…" he replied.

I looked at the pile of work on his desk.

"Oh…you're busy by the looks of it, so I'll come back later…" I said quickly as I tried my best to fight the McDreamy look.

"I'm not busy…" Derek answered, equally as quickly and just as eager to see me as I was to see him.

But somewhere, along the line, I lost all control of the situation and could help but simply stare at him; searching the depths of his soul as I seemed to get lost in the ocean of blue that stared back at me. I allowed my eyes to dart from side to side across every inch of his face. Desperation crossed through my thoughts… I needed him so badly right then and it was all I could do to contain myself and not take him on that desk right then…

_It wouldn't be the first time…_

"Derek…I…" I stuttered on my words.

"Meredith…" Derek sighed as he edged a little closer to me with each breath that he exhaled ever so lightly. I felt every hair across my body standing on end as his breathing fell on my face; it was light and soft and I could almost taste him right then… letting every inch of it tingle my senses in ways only he knew how…

His face continued to lean forward, desperately seeking something…anything. It was begging me to act…pleading me to reciprocate his very alluring and very tantalising actions.

"I just…" I started to say as his face became so close to me I thought I would sink into a wave of ecstasy. Before I could continue his hand silenced my words in the most tender of touches.

"For once in your life Meredith Shepherd…you are going to fight the urge to run… and you are not going to ramble…"

I managed a light giggle at his humour; the use of his last name with mine almost sent an electrifying shock wave through my body as I trembled with his touch.

"Last night…" he sighed heavily before his eyes darted back to mine. "Look, I am not going to ask you what it means exactly because I know that you know what it means…"

I let my eyes well with tears that I had not anticipated before I walked into the room; tears I swore I would fight. I felt the tingling sensations of his fingertips touch my chin as he tilted it up, in some sort of attempt to hold me.

"I'm lost without you Meredith…" he said softly and sweetly. "I just…I don't know what I am doing from day to day – nor can I control what will happen tomorrow…but I count every second into the future with all hope that I will see you again…" he sighed deeply and ran his thumb across my lips. "I try to find some…or any excuse to look at you…to talk to you…but I just…" his voice trailed off.

"What?" I managed to say.

"I can't live without you…" Derek concluded. "I cannot go on living my life without you Meredith…it doesn't make sense to me anymore if I can't be with you… it's like, living without you…well, it's like trying to breathe under water – impossible…"

I let every breath I took fall to a silent lull as I attempted to take in every single word that escaped those beautiful lips…

"But I will do it for our children…because I love them more than anything else in this world…more than life itself…" Derek sighed. "I will keep breathing because it's all I know Meredith…I only know how to breathe…I can try and make it right…but I don't know how…so I'll keep breathing…" he pulled me a little closer with his hands that touched my cheek so tenderly. "Just know that while I am still living…as long as I am breathing…I still love you…"

At this point and in that exact second those words made their way out of his mouth, I had lost all control over the emotions I tried so desperately to suppress. It was as though a wave had hit me and now a tidal rip was sucking me into this ocean that caused me to succumb to every emotion.

"I am not going to push you Meredith…" Derek said sweetly as he let his eyes reflect every emotion he was feeling. "…because I know our love story is more than any one night stand…"

I sighed heavily and nodded with a knowing glance in his direction so that he knew I agreed.

But, it was like I had no control over what I was about to do as every feeling, every distant memory of what we were circulated my mind and drowned any hope I had of rationality. I grabbed a hold of his scrub shirt in one swift movement and pressed my lips to his quickly as I tried desperately to fight this feeling.

_Oh god, what was I doing…?_

"Mer…" Derek pulled back quickly and tried to stop himself from doing exactly what I was. "Meredith…we can't do this here…not now…" he said breathlessly.

"It's not like we haven't before…" I reminded him as I fumbled with the drawstring on his scrub pants and tried my best to push his lab coat down the sides of his long arms and broad shoulders.

Derek stopped me though.

"I can't do this now…" he sighed heavily, knowing that in a few moments he would certainly regret it. "I can't…it's not fair…"

I groaned and pressed my forehead that was now excreting beads of sweat from the momentary lapse in judgement I had previously experienced. I drew in a long and heavy breath, taking in every scent that his body expelled as he breathed in and out. I felt his grip tightening around me as he leaned his face down to breathe in the ever so longed scent of my hair.

"Oh…I've missed that…" he sighed in a somewhat reflection as my hair tickled his chin. He tilted my face gently just before I had any chance to react to his comfort and leaned down to kiss me once more. I felt my insides knot twice over as his let his lips linger over mine; sexual static flaring between the crossed souls that stared into each other's eyes, getting lost in the moment.

But then I seemed to get lost in my own thoughts array the emotion I was certainly feeling right then. Despite my recent longing and not so distant thoughts I pulled away and put my fingertips to my swollen lips.

"This is crazy!" I cried. "I can't do this Derek! I won't do this! Not to our kids…not to me…_not again_!"

"Meredith…I would never hurt you again…" he said pleadingly with all attempts to draw me closer to him again.

"You don't get it…do you?" I said angrily. Yes, a midst the passionate Meredith came an angry, burdened and almost hysterical woman; wrecked with fear and destructed by a world that offered no hope. "I try and try to be strong Derek! For our children…for me..." I sobbed. "Comforting your nine year old daughter when she cries for her daddy every night…"

Never had a told Derek that.

"She cries for me?" he repeated sadly.

"Yes!" I exclaimed. "And you know, the optimistic Meredith…the whole and healed Meredith, well she would try her best to tell her distraught and scared daughter that mommy and daddy are just having some problems that would eventually sort themselves out…"

Derek's eyes filled with sadness as the words drained heavily from my mouth and flooded his mind while drowning his senses in ways he never thought possible; stinging every inch of his ears as the words escaped and offered little comfort in a situation that was scaring him in ways he never thought possible.

"But you see…true Meredith, well she would believe that we were done for good…maybe that there was no hope left to make my dreams come true Derek… basically it was time to move on…time to get on with life…" I felt tears trickling fast down my cheeks as I wiped them away. "You don't understand this…loving you and being me are two of the hardest things I have ever had to do!"

At this point I had absolutely no control over the words that were escaping my mouth as they flew through the air like bullets from a machine gun.

"Don't _you_ understand…?" Derek sighed. "This is _us_; all I know is that I love you…"

I took a deep breath and shook my head.

"I am not going to do this anymore Derek…" I told him as I whipped around and ran to the door; stopping as I held onto it. "I don't know how to work this out anymore…"

And with that…I left; but somewhere deep down…I knew I would be back…

**She will be back...but I wanted Derek to give her a reason to stay...the whole speech about breathing...yeah yeah, everyone knows it's significance...**

**So, I hope you enjoyed it; don't lose faith, I'm in the process of working it out...**

**Now, everyone wants to see Derek let loose on Jeremy Mitchell...oh, I have a wally in the works!!**

**REVIEWS PLEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAASSSEEE!**


	7. Spring Kisses and Confontations

At some stage that afternoon, I was looking for Charlie; but being the busy teenager she was, I was completely out of luck. I entered the attending's lounge to find Cristina laying on the lounge with her feet in the air.

"Staring at your shoes again?" I commented.

She groaned.

"Could this place be anymore boring…doesn't anyone get sick anymore?" she sighed. "It's so damn quiet…"

"Shhh!" I cried.

Cristina rolled her eyes.

"Oh come on, you've been a surgeon for ten years and you still believe in that crap?!" she said. "Quiet, quiet, quiet!"

"Argh!" I covered my ear quickly and attempted to block out the words that were escaping her mouth. "Shut up!"

I looked around and noticed that Charlie's bag wasn't in my locker.

"Have you seen my daughter?" I asked her.

She shook her head.

"She had that whole post McDreamy look going while she walked out texting on her phone…" Cristina mumbled.

"Make some sense!" I cried.

"She said something about some Mitchell Jeremy kid…"

I groaned and walked out thinking there was a chance she would be at the cafeteria. On my way there, I passed George.

"Hey George…have you seen Charlie?" I asked.

George shook his head.

"No…hey…what's the go with this creep of a freshman that wants to take out Charlie?" he cried.

"Oh…don't you worry…her father will know soon enough and he'll be nothing but a blip on her rebellious radar!" I assured him.

George chuckled.

"Is everything okay?" he asked me.

I nodded and smiled.

"Oh yeah…I'm just tired…" I said quickly.

He shook his head and continued to walk.

"Always here to talk Mer…" he reminded me sweetly. George was always so comforting when I needed him to be; and as a virtual sounding board…I needed him right then…

"George…wait…" I followed him down the hall. "Do you have ten minutes?"

"For you, I've got all the time in the world!" he said with a smile.

* * *

"Mark!" Derek called out as Mark wandered by his office.

Mark stopped and quickly poked his head in.

"Hey…what's up?" he asked. "Have you spoken to your daughter about this Jeremy Mitchell who wants to take her to the Spring Fling?"

Derek frowned.

"The Spring Fling is for freshmen…" his eyes widened at his complete realisation that only came from that sentence. "He's a freshman?"

Mark nodded and chuckled.

"See…this is why you and I are friends…" he said. "We could kick his ass you know?"

"Yeah, yeah…the twerp is dead…can I talk to you?" Derek asked.

Mark frowned and looked at him intently.

"I'm listening…"

"I had sex with Meredith last night…"

* * *

"You had sex with Derek last night?" George repeated with an astonished look in his eyes; after years of drama, torment and hurt…how could she be so…

Stupid??

"I just couldn't help it George…I mean, he was there and saying all the right things…" I sighed.

_Yes I know how stupid that sounded…_

"And then he came closer…and closer…and he did this thing that he used to do to make me…well…you know…where he lingers his lips over mine…" I said distantly.

George almost had to wipe the drool from his mouth.

"If I could find Izzie right now…" he muttered.

"George!" I cried.

He looked up at me.

"But Meredith…what does it mean…?"

* * *

"I mean Derek…are you two back together?" Mark cried.

Derek shook his head.

"No…I don't know…I mean I guess it means we're trying…" he sighed.

Mark frowned.

"Derek this is Meredith we're talking about…" he sighed. "I mean, the girl could barely hold it together when you were first together…and now you think she is _trying_?"

Derek scowled at his friend.

"Don't be a jerk!" he cried. "All Meredith wants is a strong and happy family!"

Mark shook his head with resentment crossing his eyes.

"But can you give her that Derek?" he asked.

* * *

"I don't know George…I want to believe he has changed…I want that bright and shiny happy ending like you and Iz…but I don't know if he can give me that…" I sighed.

George almost choked.

"Oh please Meredith…you know somewhere deep down that he can…I just don't know why you are so afraid to take the risk…" he cried.

"Because I love him too much to lose him again…" I concluded.

* * *

"Because I am afraid that I could hurt her again…" Derek sighed.

Mark groaned and put his head down.

"Just try!" he cried.

* * *

"Oh Mer…you've gotta try!" George pleaded.

"I need to find Charlie…I've gotta pick up the kids…" I said quickly as I made my way to the door. "Thank you so much George…you're the best friend ever…"

* * *

"I'd say you are the best friend ever…but yeah, you're not so I'm just going to say thank you…" Derek said to Mark.

Mark shrugged and smiled.

"Ah, I try," he said.

"But, I do need to find Charlie and talk to her about this Jeremy Mitchell…" Derek said.

* * *

Just in sync with each other, we both made our way out into the parking lot where from opposite ends of the hospital entrance we both saw Charlie.

And then we saw something else…

This was bad…

Not good…

Terrible…

A much older boy, who appeared to be the notorious Jeremy Mitchell, walking over to the beautiful fifteen year old girl sitting on the park bench.

"Hey!" Charlie said happily as she stood up on her tip toes so that Jeremy could kiss her.

"Oh my god…" I gasped as I watched them lock in a passionate kiss.

"Oh my god!" Derek shouted.

I saw him as quickly as I heard him.

"Derek!" I cried as he marched over to Charlie and cleared his throat.

"Charlotte…" he said.

Charlie pulled back from the kiss and let all the colour drop from her complexion as she came face to face with her dad.

"Dad…"

I raced over.

"Charlie!" I cried.

"Mom…"

Charlie looked back at us completely mortified.

"And _you_ must be Jeremy Mitchell…the seventeen year old freshman who wants to take my fifteen year old high school daughter to the Spring Fling…" Derek interjected.

Charlie looked at me desperately.

"Charlie, we have to go and pick up the kids from school, now let's go..."

Derek frowned and looked at me.

"Meredith…we don't know this kid…" he said to me.

I shook my head.

"Derek…not now…" I told him.

"Charlie, maybe your friend should come with me to my office…" Derek said to Charlie.

"No dad…" she said quickly.

"Fine, I have two questions now…" Derek said.

"Yes sir…" Jeremy spoke up for the first time.

"Number one…what car do you drive?" Derek asked.

Charlie groaned and her cheeks turned a shade of pink.

"Uh…a um, Vespa…" Jeremy stuttered.

"A Vespa?" Derek snorted. "It's not even a real motorcycle..." he pointed to the scar on his forehead. "This is a real motorcycle!"

"Derek!" I hissed.

"Number two…are you going to college?"

Charlie nearly choked on her embarrassment.

"Yeah, I want to go to med school!" Jeremy said happily.

"Oh that's great Jeremy," I attempted to lighten the conversation.

Derek didn't take on the opportunity.

"Charlie…don't date a doctor…medicine ruins every great romance…" he said resentfully as he walked away.

I turned apologetically to Jeremy.

"I'm sorry Jeremy…" Charlie sighed. "I have to go…"

Jeremy went to kiss her but I pulled Charlie back.

"Don't kiss my daughter near me please…" I told him.

He nodded and walked away quickly.

"Let's go young lady!" I told Charlie with a frown.

* * *

A couple of nights later, I was lying in bed when I heard the thud of footsteps outside my bedroom door.

"Charlie…" I called out.

She poked her head through the door.

"Mmm, what is it mom?"

"Are you okay? I know that Spring Fling is tonight…" I sighed; she was still a little upset from not being able to go.

"I'm okay, I'm just going downstairs to get a drink…" Charlie said.

"Come here for a second honey…" I pushed my new reading glasses down to the bridge of my nose as I lifted my head from my Neuroscience text book.

Charlie wandered over and sat on the edge of the bed.

"He's a nice boy Charlie…but I just…you're just not old enough…I'm sorry…" I sighed.

"Hmm…whatever mom," Charlie replied flippantly. She leaned over and kissed my cheek. "I'm going to bed…love you…"

"Goodnight sweetie, I love you too…" I replied as I watched her walk out of the room.

It wasn't before long that I went to round on the kids and tuck them in, just as I had done since they were little and like I would do right up until they left home.

I opened Riley's door to see him sleeping soundly; walking over to his bed I ran my fingers through the thick curly locks on his head.

"Good night sweetheart," I whispered as I leaned down to kiss his forehead. "I love you so much…"

"Goodnight mom…" Riley murmured.

I looked over on the other bed to see Mia sleeping on top of her covers.

"Goodnight my little Mia…" I sighed. "It won't be long til you see daddy now angel…"

As I closed the door, I wandered over to Charlie's room.

"Charlie…" I said quietly as I knocked on the door.

No answer.

I figured she must be sleeping so I opened the door gently to see an empty bed.

"Oh my god…" I gasped.

She was gone.

**You know I can't help myself when it comes to a cliffhanger... that's not the last of Jeremy and Derek - there is more; just slightly indulging you into the drama a little - more confrontation to come...**

**REVIEW PLEASE!!**


	8. Busted!

**Thanks for all the reviews...enjoy the chapter!!**

I darted my eyes frantically across the room in such desperation for my daughter to simply appear any minute; to come out and say boo like she would have ten years ago…but there was no sign of her…

"Charlie…" I said breathlessly and frantically as I fumbled through the mess of her quilt cover. Perhaps she had simply fallen asleep under the covers; she was so small maybe I missed something. "God, you better be just hiding in your closet somewhere young lady!"

I flung open the closet door, expecting her to be hiding with a flashlight, maybe writing in her diary – even making a private phone call; anything that would be more than simply missing. As the door opened, however, clothes that had been obviously jammed in there flung out onto the floor and hit me with a thud.

"I'll kill her!" I exclaimed as I whirled around and headed for the hallway as quickly as my feet would carry me. I pounded heavily on Izzie's door as my emotions came through in the heavy thuds that hit the door caused by my fists. "Izzie!" I called in a terrified tone.

Izzie opened the door tiredly; her eyes pleaded desperately for at least a couple of hours of shut eye; but her expression changed nonetheless when she saw the desperation that crossed my eyes.

"What's wrong?" she asked.

"Charlie snuck out Iz…" I said quickly as I grabbed my cell phone from my chest of drawers as Izzie followed me, trying desperately to make sense of what I had just said.

"She what?" Izzie cried.

I dialled Derek's number.

"I went into her room Iz…and she was gone…" I cried.

"Hello?" came Derek's very tired and very annoyed voice on the other end of the phone; he'd clearly missed the caller id and assumed it was Mark.

"Derek!" I cried.

"Mer?" he sat up in bed.

"Charlie snuck out!" I yelped.

Derek's voice went into a heightened stage of panic.

"What? How…where…when…?" he cried.

"I don't know!"

"Where would she be?"

"I don't know Derek…I just...she was at home tonight and it's Spring Fling and she's a little depressed…oh god…"

"Spring Fling?"

"I think that's where she is…"

"I'll come over…"

"Derek, we would be so much better just taking the two cars and looking for her!"

"Meredith, we need to be a team for this one…"

I fell into a silent lull as I heard that sentence.

"Hurry up…" I sighed as I slammed my cell phone shut with a quick slap and hit it down on the chest of drawers with a thud. Breathing heavily and panting with fear, I pressed my forehead to the door.

Izzie, in this time, had thrown some clothes on and was gathering her handbag.

"Iz…" I said.

"George is staying with the kids Mer…I think it's best that I help look for her as well…" she explained. "I'll drive the jeep around the streets and you can hit every Spring Fling after party with Derek…"

I sighed and shook my head over and over again.

"Oh Iz…" I said sadly. "Where could she be?"

"Have you tried her cell?"

I flicked open my phone one more time and dialled Charlie's number quickly; only to have it hit voicemail immediately.

"Clearly you've reached Charlie…let's just say that there are two options for why you can't reach me; number one, I am screening your call and not answering because I don't like you…or number two, I'm not here…" came her cheerful voice.

"Charlotte Shepherd...I don't know why you are not answering your phone at the moment or where you are…" I said as Izzie and I moved as quick as we could down the stairs. "Ring me back please…"

Izzie let go of a long and regretful breath as she fumbled at the bench for the set of keys to the jeep.

"I just thought that I knew my daughter Izzie…" I said as my voice grew panicked and teary. "She wouldn't be doing this if we hadn't…if Derek and I… if I hadn't walked out…"

Izzie grabbed my arms in an attempt to somewhat console me; her grip tightened low around my arms as she appeared firm and intent.

"Meredith!" she exclaimed. "For god's sake _please_ calm down…we can't do this now…the what if's will not help us find her, nor will placing blame… at the end of the day we can't put bars on her windows!"

"Oh, don't you worry Iz…we can and we will!"

A horn sounded and Izzie and I made our way from the kitchen to the front door as quickly as we could, knowing very well that it was Derek out the front of the house. I jumped into his car quickly as Izzie climbed into the jeep, equally as frantic. As I climbed into the car I eyed Derek with a warning glare and called Cristina.

"She won't know anything Mer…" Derek said softly as he tried to make sense of what I was doing.

"Hello…?"

"It's me…is Charlie with you?" I asked worriedly.

Cristina let out a long groan.

"It's Spring Fling…" she sighed. "Did she sneak out?"

"Yeah…" I replied.

"Listen, I'll do a quick round on the bike around the streets…do you have any idea where the after parties are?" Cristina questioned.

"I have no idea…" I said tearily.

Derek suddenly reached out hesitantly for fear of what I would do as we approached what seemed to be a party.

"Cristina…we've found a party!" I hung up the phone in an instant as I looked around at the drunken teenagers that were piled into the house and around on the lawn. I got out the car once Derek had pulled the car over and leaned against the door as Izzie pulled up. Derek was about to barge in.

"Derek wait…" Izzie grabbed his arm quickly knowing the kind of temper he had when it came to his daughter. "I'll go…"

I watched Izzie make her way up a hill covered in scattered in loose beer cans and empty spirit bottles. As she headed for the door, past a group of boys, one of them whistled.

"Oh…seriously?" she cried.

But the door was so full on the other side that there was no chance in opening it; she had no way in.

"Hey…" Izzie grabbed a young girl's arm.

The girl whipped around obnoxiously.

"What?" she asked Izzie as she put a bottle of bourbon to her lips and began sucking the alcohol.

"You know…there are so many things…I would so love to bust your ass for underage drinking right now – but at the risk of humiliating my niece…I won't….I am looking for Charlie Shepherd…" Izzie said.

The girl shrugged.

"You're a little late…" she said.

"Late? Seriously?" Izzie cried.

"She was here about ten minutes ago…with that…Jeremy Mitchell…"

Izzie groaned.

"Are there other parties?" she asked.

"Uh…hell yeah!" the girl replied flippantly.

"Where?"

"Um…well there's the Gregson party on Meadow Road…another one at Llewellyn Street on the other side of town and then there's the party on St. John's Road…"

Izzie raced back over to us as Cristina pulled up on her motorcycle and pulled off her helmet.

"Cristina, I think you need to go to St John's Road…that stretches pretty far through town and you can pass any major stops. Mer and Derek, you will need to go to Llewellyn Street and that will take you past any clubs or anything like that…I'll go to Meadow Road…between the three of us, we'll find her…" Izzie instructed.

I jumped into the car and watched Cristina's motorcycle burn past us followed by Izzie and finally, Derek steered onto the road.

"This wouldn't have happened if…" my voice trailed off as I stopped myself saying what I really felt.

"If what?" Derek's voice was icy cold.

"Never mind…" I sighed.

"Meredith…"

"What, Derek?"

"Nothing…"

"Focus on the road, Derek…"

We arrived at what appeared to be a street party that filled the cul-de-sac that was Llewellyn Street.

"She wouldn't be here Derek…" I said quickly.

"You don't know that…"

"Yes I do! I know our daughter…"

"So tell me Meredith, why do you not know where _our_ daughter is right now?" Derek snapped.

My phone rang and I snatched it up.

"Charlie?"

"No, it's me," came George's worried and anxious voice. "I just wanted an update…"

"We still can't find her…" I answered.

I jumped out of the car and made my way over to a group of boys that appeared to be somewhat Charlie's type.

"Do you know if Charlie Shepherd is here?" I asked them in the nicest way possible.

"Cutie Shep?" a boy replied. "No, she's at the Meadow Road party…"

I nodded a quick thank you and ran back to the car where Derek was waiting for me in desperation.

"Meadow Road!" I told him quickly as I fumbled in my pocket for my cell phone to call Cristina and Izzie to inform them of where we were meeting and where Charlie was. "Cristina! Yeah, yep…meet us at Meadow Road!" I then looked back at my phone as I dialled Izzie's number. "Iz…she's at the party you're at…I don't know…I think if you stay in the car and we'll meet you there…"

We pulled up at the party adjacent to Izzie's car and noted that she had now climbed out of the car and was staring with a mortified expression as she leaned against the car. I climbed out of the car just as Cristina pulled up. She pulled her helmet off and shook her head with sheer disparagement.

"Gross…" she commented.

"I can't do it…" I sighed.

"What?" Derek cried in shock as he pushed the sleeves up on his shirt in frustration and stared at the kids scattered across the lawn. "I am going in there to grab my daughter and kick that grotty little shit of a brat Jeremy Mitchell from her to Timbuktu!"

Izzie shook her head.

"Not in that mood!" she cried. "No way Derek…you stay here with Meredith and Cristina and I will go in…"

Cristina darted her eyes across to me in desperation and then back at Derek and finally back to Izzie.

"Um…what?"

"Come on…" Izzie grabbed her arm.

They walked over to the door and pushed it open.

"Man…" Cristina groaned. "These kids are…" needless to say, a girl spilled a cup of beer all over Cristina. "Oh…oh hell no! I can't do this Izzie!"

Izzie shoved her way through a crowd of boys that appeared to be rather large and bulky; presumably football players. She then came face to face with Charlie locked in what appeared to be a passionate kiss with none other than Jeremy Mitchell.

"Cristina!" she exclaimed.

"Oh, I've got this one!" Cristina tried to fight the urge but failed as she raced over and pulled Charlie back forcefully.

"Aunty Cristina…?"

"Get off him!" she turned to Jeremy. "Don't touch my niece or I'll wrap you around the tire of my motorcycle and start riding!"

"What…Aunty Cris?" Charlie cried as she picked up a bottle of what appeared to be tequila.

"Charlie!" Izzie screeched. She snatched up the tequila forcefully and stared at the bottle. "What the hell is this Charlie? Holy crap are you drunk?"

"What are you doing here?" Charlie cried.

"Oh, believe me, you have bigger worries…" Izzie told her. "Like how you are going to answer your parents who are waiting for you outside right now for some serious answers!"

"Your parents?" Jeremy exclaimed as he jumped up. "You said you cleared it with them!"

"Looks as though we're not the only ones you lied to…." Cristina commented; she turned to Jeremy. "Uh, I'd run if I were you…" she turned back to Charlie who was resisting her less than gentle grip. "Let's go!"

I stood awkwardly next to Derek as I waited desperately to see the auburn hair exit the house with Izzie and Cristina; even though I was mad, I still wanted my baby to be safe. I raised my eyes as they exited and let my expression change to horror as I saw that _baby_ stumble as she held a bottle of tequila.

I was stunned.

Derek was too.

He then proceeded to walk over and grab Charlie by the shoulder as he pointed her in the direction of the car.

"Get in the car Charlotte…" he said in the lowest and darkest tone that was enough to scare anyone.

Once Charlie was in the car, I looked to the side at Derek as he followed suit and sat in the front seat with his arms folded.

I turned to Izzie and Cristina.

"Thank you so much…" I sighed.

Cristina shrugged.

"No worries…" she replied. She tapped on the car window and flashed her cell phone at Charlie, indicating she would call her tomorrow.

After Izzie and Cristina drove away, I climbed into the car as Derek drew in a deep breath and pulled out onto the road. We sat in silence for a moment.

"What were you thinking?" I exclaimed as I whirled around in my seat to lock eyes with what seemed to be an ashamed gaze that fell to her hands as she held her head.

"I wasn't…" she groaned.

"Too right!" I shot back.

"Why didn't you check on her?" Derek asked me in a tone that resembled bitterness and anger.

"I did!" I cried.

"Obviously not!"

"Oh so you think this is my fault….?"

"Dad…" came Charlie's voice.

"Who else is there to blame?"

"Um…the fifteen year old who snuck out of my house…so no, you can't blame me!"

"Mom…" Charlie tried again.

"Well…where did she learn to drink tequila Meredith?" Derek yelled.

Before I had a chance to answer that with my fist, a retching sound came from the back seat and I turned around to see Charlie covered in vomit just like the back seat.

"Oh…" she groaned.

"Ohh…" I said in frustration.

"Jesus…" Derek groaned.

**Thought I would leave it there; I'll get into the whole talk thing in the next update; but the whole concept of team work with the MerDer relationship!! very important for them to realise that they need to work together and they're better as a team rather than apart!!**

**REVIEWS PLEASE!!**


	9. Stories From The Past

**I really hope you like this chapter; I had a great time writing it! **

**I just want to say thank you to all those who review my work; it really makes a difference! I give credit to my sounding board, Mere for the idea of this chapter.**

**Apologies for the inconsistencies of the whole High School terminolgy; Australia runs on a whole different system...thanks for being so patient with me though!**

* * *

I sat at the kitchen bench the next morning; resting my head in my hands and looking down at the mahogany timber that reflected back at me. With one firm grip around my coffee cup, I used the other hand to smooth over the surface as I wondered where I had gone wrong.

_Where did she learn to drink tequila, Meredith_.

Those words hung in my mind like a shadow casting over the cloudy lakes of Seattle every morning.

But had I gone wrong and failed my daughter?

How was I to fix this?

Interrupting my thoughts, I saw Charlie enter the kitchen holding her head in one hand and rubbing her stomach with the other; her hangover must have kicked in big time and she was certainly feeling it.

"Good morning," I said to her.

"Mmm…" was the reply.

"Charlie, we need to talk…" I sighed.

"About what?"

"You know very well…"

"Chill mom…I don't need the third degree…"

I felt my ears burn with the intensity of that remark; where did my daughter learn to have such a sharp tongue?

"Chill?" I exclaimed. "You want me to just _chill_?"

Charlie groaned and put her head down on the counter to let the cool temperature comfort her pounding head.

"Charlotte, I will not chill…I will not chill, because the fact that I saw my fifteen year old daughter, my sweet, innocent little girl stumbling out of a party with a bottle of tequila has pretty well scarred me for life!" I cried. "I have been going over it and over it in my head because I want to understand what _possessed you_ to do such a thing!"

Charlie shook her head.

"I wasn't thinking…"

"You're damn right you weren't!"

Charlie turned and began walking out of the kitchen.

"Charlie…"

"I'm going back to bed!"

I sighed heavily and pressed my now sweating forehead to the table as I wondered what to do next…

I snatched up the phone and dialled Derek's number.

"Hello?"

"Derek, it's me…"

"What is it?"

"We need to talk to Charlie…"

"You will be able to cover that, I'm sure…"

"Derek…_we_ need to do this…"

"Why?"

"Because, regardless of what you may think of me right now…" I sighed. "If you think I am a bad mother, a philandering whore, a horrible person…but in every respect to your thoughts…_we _need to be a team Derek…"

The other end of the line went silent, and I had to wonder if my speech had fallen upon deaf ears; until one word, one lonely word…

"Okay…"

…gave me some hope.

I hung up the phone and knew that the next step was only imminent.

* * *

"Charlie!" I called from the bottom of the staircase.

No answer.

"Charlie, can you come down here please?" I called again.

Charlie appeared at the stop of the staircase, staring back at me surlily as she rested one hand on her hip. She put one foot in front of the other as she slowly made her way down the stairs, letting her hand slide across the banister as she wondered what was going to come of this next apparent lecture.

As she reached the foot of the stairs I reached out and put my arm around her gently as I let my hand rub her shoulder and coax her to come with me into the living room.

As she walked through the door to the living room, she took a deep breath and knew exactly what was happening; as four familiar and saddened faces stared back at her, she looked at me and pleaded for answers.

"Mom…"

"Charlie..." I sighed. "Your dad and I…and Aunty Cristina, Aunty Izzie and Uncle George, think that its best if we all sit and have a talk…"

Charlie tried her best to turn around and fight the tears that were now streaming down her cheeks.

"Come and sit down sweetie…" Izzie sighed as she patted the empty space next to her on the couch.

Charlie allowed herself to agree momentarily as she sat down.

"Charlie…" George said quietly. "Honey, I want to talk to you about something…"

Charlie looked up at him.

"When I was a freshman…so I was your age…" he said to her. "I was invited to a party; you know one of those crazy raves where everyone gets plastered and paired for post party sex…"

Charlie nodded.

"But I did something stupid…" George sighed.

"What did you do?" Charlie's voice was meek.

"I drank so much that I didn't know what I was doing…where I was or how I got there…" George sighed. "My parents had told me I wasn't allowed to go out…but I thought I knew better…"

Charlie shook her head knowingly.

"I took an ecstasy pill that night…" George sighed. "And I had the most adverse reaction that anyone could…"

Charlie gasped.

"My friends called my parents…I was in a coma for two days; my family didn't know if I was going to make it…" George said with tears in his eyes. "I don't know what I would ever do if I was in my parents' situation…if it was you…"

Charlie started to cry as Izzie rested her arm around her distraught niece.

"Charlie…when I was fifteen, I went to a party that I wasn't allowed to go to…" Izzie sighed. "I had a fight with my mom before I left because she told me that some fortune teller had told her about a new life or something or other…"

Charlie wiped away her tears and stared intently at Izzie.

"When I went to the party I met up with a guy…he was a senior and I was excited to just be hanging out with him…" Izzie said.

"Like Jeremy…" Charlie said softly.

"Yes…just like Jeremy…" Izzie replied.

Charlie sighed heavily.

"But…I didn't believe my mom when she told me that boys like that are after only one thing…" Izzie explained. "I didn't listen and just to prove her wrong and to show her that he cared about me…" she grew teary. "I went to the party and had sex with him…"

Charlie's eyes widened.

"Two weeks later…I was staring at the positive reading on the pregnancy test…" Izzie sighed.

Charlie gasped quickly.

"You got pregnant?" she asked.

Izzie nodded.

"Yes…" she replied. "Charlie, I gave birth to my daughter on August 4th in my sophomore year…I attended birthing classes instead of English literature…" she continued. "All because of trying to make one stupid, stupid point…"

"What happened to your daughter?" Charlie asked.

"I had to put her up for adoption…" Izzie replied wiping away her own tears before proceeding to wipe the tears that filled Charlie's eyes.

"Was it hard?" Charlie asked.

"It was hell…" Izzie said. "And honey…" she swooped Charlie's fringe out of her face. "I don't want you to have to go through that type of hell…"

Cristina stood up and shuffled onto the couch next to Charlie.

"My turn…" she said.

Charlie let Cristina take a firm grip on her hands.

"This story is a little different because I was a little younger…" she said shakily. "But when I was nine years old I was in a car accident with my dad…"

Charlie frowned and felt another fresh wave of tears come over her.

"Charlie, I called 911 but they didn't come quick enough…my dad bled out in front of me…" Cristina sighed. "And I looked over at the other car and saw the paramedics and the fire brigade get the jaws of life to pull a fifteen year old boy from the wreckage of the other car…"

At this point, it was my turn to draw a gasp; while I knew the extent of this story to a certain degree I had never heard this side…never had I known this tale…

"When my mom arrived on the scene, I heard the police tell her that the driver who killed my father…_my dad_…was a fifteen year old boy who was five times over the legal limit, high as a kite on pot and unlicensed!" Cristina cried. "A _fifteen year old boy_…"

I felt myself start to cry as Cristina's emotions got the better of her for a moment.

"Charlie…" she cupped her hands around her face. "At fifteen years old… we all do stupid things… but don't ever, _ever_ use your stupidity to risk your own life or endanger others!"

"What happened to the boy…?" Charlie asked.

"As the jaws removed him from the wreckage…the internal bleeding started at a full speed and he bled out before they made it to the hospital…" Cristina sighed as she wiped away a fresh lot of tears from her face.

As I watched Charlie break down from the stories that filled the four walls of this house, leaving unspoken truths hanging by a thread, I felt Derek's hand slip into mine and tighten.

"Charlie…" I sighed.

Charlie looked up at me, wondering what story I could possibly throw into the air after all of these.

"Honey…we love you…"

"I know…" she replied.

"But what you did last night…"

Charlie started to cry once more and made her way over to me where she cried in my arms.

"I'm sorry mom…" she sobbed.

"We love you too much to see you do so much harm…" Derek sighed as he ran his hands through her hair.

"We know the separation has been hard on you sweetie…" I said, knowing that it could may well be the root of the problem.

"I miss having you here dad…" Charlie said tearily as she looked up at Derek.

"I know honey…" Derek replied as he brushed tears from her eyes.

I looked at Derek with my eyes pleading for something more than that sentence which escaped his mouth.

Cristina, Izzie and George took the time to move into the kitchen so that Derek and I could sit with Charlie for a little longer.

"I never knew…" Charlie said softly. "I didn't know how my actions could hurt other people…"

_How my actions could hurt other people…_

The significance of such a line said so much to Derek and I in that moment.

"Honey, go and have a drink so that mom and I can talk…" Derek told Charlie as he leaned in to kiss her forehead. "I love you so much,"

"I'm sorry dad…"

"It's okay…"

As she walked out of the room I turned to Derek confused and partially wondering what he was going to say next. I had no doubt in my mind that Derek and I were better parents together…but I didn't know if he understood that.

"We're better parents when we're together Meredith…"

_He did._

"I can't bear the thought that we aren't there for our kids…" he sighed as he took my hands.

"I know…" I managed to say.

"We need to make this work…" he told me as his lips drew closer to mine.

I felt the pull of his aura sweeping me off my feet once more as though we were only just meeting; his lips were so close to mine that the sparks were electrifying and I could almost feel them on mine.

"Derek…" I sighed.

"We _have _to make this work…" he said as finally his lips touched mine.

And at that moment, it was all I needed and all I wanted, for it had been too long since our souls had touched.

**Okay, so they are realising something here - stick with me because I think you will enjoy the next chapter!!  
****  
REVIEW PLEASE!!**


	10. Pretty Happy Or Damn Close

**Ah...an anticipated chapter for all of you...I am so grateful to all of you who offer CONSTRUCTIVE reviews and appreciate the story, it really makes a difference to my writing.**

**Please enjoy this chapter; it has been a long ride and I am thankful to all who stayed on board!!**

I pulled away from the kiss and let his breathing fall upon my skin; as we looked into each others' eyes we saw nothing but each other; as though the stars had fallen and reflected in the opposite gaze we both were drawn to.

I felt every inch of my broken heart mending as every inch of his eyes apologised for what he'd said…

"I'm sorry…" he whispered as he leaned in to kiss me once more. "I'm sorry for what I said last night and I'm sorry for hurting you…"

"You _did_ hurt me…" I told him.

"I know…"

"I need to know you won't do it again…"

"I can't promise that I will be perfect…"

"There is one thing you can promise me Derek,"

"What's that?"

"You can promise me, with every inch of your heart…for the sake of every kiss we share…for every cuddle you have with your children…you can promise me that you will just _try_…" I told him.

Derek nodded over and over again, until he pulled me close and pressed his lips to my forehead, breathing in every scent that my hair expelled in that moment and wondering how he could mend this broken family…how could he make it right?

"Meredith…I wanna make it right…" he said.

"Okay," I said as I met his lips with mine once more.

"We work as a team…I can't…_we_ can't work without each other…we can't be broken anymore…" he whispered.

"We're not…" I assured him. "We'll make it work…"

Suddenly Mia's head poked around the door.

"Mommy…" her expression changed when she saw Derek; her eyes lit like a Christmas tree and her face was brightened with a smile. "Daddy!" she exclaimed running over to his open arms. "Oh dad, I missed you!"

"I missed you too darling girl," Derek said as tears found his eyes and streamed down his cheeks in happiness.

Mia looked up.

"Dad…" she said softly. "How come you're crying?"

"I'm just happy sweetheart…just happy, that's all," Derek answered. "Where are your brother and sister?"

Mia jumped up.

"I'll go and get them…Charlie! Riley! Dad's home!" she screamed running up the stairs.

I turned back to Derek and smiled as his lips pressed to mine once more.

"Come home Meredith…" he pleaded.

I nodded, our lips still connected.

"Okay," I murmured.

"Uh…mom!" came Charlie's mortified voice.

I looked up at my three smiling children.

"Come and sit down…" I patted the lounge space where Charlie perched herself on my knee, Mia sat on Derek and Riley rested his arms around me from behind my neck as his chin sat on my shoulder.

"You're mom and I…well…we want to ask you something…" Derek said as he stumbled on a somewhat coherent phrase.

"How would you feel if we moved back into dad's house?" I asked them.

"As in all of us? Our whole family?" Charlie asked.

"All together?" Riley questioned.

"Mom and dad together?" Mia chimed in questioningly.

"Our family, all of us together again…" I said.

"Forever…" Derek added.

Mia jumped up and cheered.

"Yay!" she exclaimed as she hugged Derek. "Dad, I knew we'd be able to come home again!"

Charlie and Riley beamed excitedly.

"When?" Charlie asked.

"Well…it's probably a bit late now…but I'm sure we can go back to the house tonight…" I said.

Mia clapped her hands.

"Well let's go!" she exclaimed.

I laughed at her enthusiasm.

"Hold on a second baby," I told her. "We need to get some things packed up okay…"

Mia nodded and ran up to her room.

"I'm going to pack up some things!" she yelled.

I started laughing and looked at Charlie and Riley.

"Do you have anything here that you may need tomorrow?" I asked them.

Riley shrugged.

"Just my iPod I guess," he said.

"Go and get it packed up then honey," I kissed his forehead.

I turned to Charlie and smiled.

"What about you blossom?" I asked.

She shook her head.

"Everything's really at dad's…"

I nodded and reached over to hug her.

"I am so proud of you sweetheart," I said as I held her tightly.

"Me too…" Derek added on.

Charlie kissed my cheek and then kissed Derek.

"I'm sorry…" she said once more.

"We know darling," Derek answered. "But it's all over now…we're going to be a happier, stronger family okay…we look out for each other…" he cupped his hand around her rounded chin. "And we'll start by looking out for you a little more…"

Charlie nodded and smiled as I stood up.

"Well, I am just going to pack a couple of things," I told them.

"Okay," Derek smiled.

I sauntered up the stairs, happier than I'd been in a long time.

"Dad…" Charlie said softly.

"What is it babe?"

"I'm glad we're going home…"

"Me too…"

"We're going to be a better family aren't we?"

"Yes,"

"Promise…?"

"I promise," Derek leaned over and kissed her forehead gently.

I emerged momentarily to see the kids and Derek waiting for me; saying goodbye to Cristina, Izzie and George, I had the world's biggest smile plastered across my face; truly indicating how happy I was.

When we arrived back at the house I looked around at the beautiful surroundings; breathing in the oaky and piny smell, listening to the crickets humming tunes that could put a smile on my face any day… this was home; this was where I belonged.

As I walked through, the kids bounded into the house at a full speed, Riley and Mia, of course, headed straight for the kitchen and searched the fridge for some ice cream and Charlie planted herself in front of the television.

"Dad!" she called. "Can I watch cable?"

"Go for it babe!" Derek called back. "Just be careful with what it is…"

"Can I watch _Step Up_?" Charlie asked.

"What's it rated?" I asked her.

"Umm…T!" she answered.

"Is it on the two hours later channel?" Derek questioned.

"Um…yeah…" Charlie replied.

"You can watch it when it comes on that channel, Riley and Mia will be in bed by then," I told her. "See if dad has a DVD we can all watch honey,"

She groaned but wasn't about to argue with me.

"Okay…"

Moments later, as Derek and I made coffee and hot cocoa in the kitchen, Charlie emerged with a DVD.

"What's that?" I asked her.

"_Harry Potter_," Charlie answered.

I looked at Derek and shrugged.

"Sounds good to me," he said.

"Yeah, are Mia and Riley okay to watch it?" I questioned.

"Are you kidding me? Riley aspires to be as over famous as Daniel Radcliffe and Mia wants to be Hermione Granger!" Charlie laughed.

I giggled and poked my head around the door to see Mia and Riley carrying their blankets to the lounge room.

Derek and I followed Charlie back in as we carried hot cocoa and coffee into the living room. I sat down next to Derek on the lounge and Mia plonked herself on my lap, Riley sat at Derek's feet and Charlie sprawled lazily onto the single seater.

After a while, the two younger kids grew sleepy and were getting ready to go to bed; I looked down at Charlie who was still contently awake and watching the end of the movie.

"Charlie, after we take the kids to bed, your dad and I will probably go to sleep…" I said quietly.

She turned around and nodded.

"Okay mom," she answered.

I leaned down to kiss her forehead.

"Don't stay up too late…" I told her.

"I won't," she answered.

Once Derek and I had put Mia and Riley in bed, I turned to look at him with a gentle smile.

"I think it's about time I showed you how much I really love you…" he said sweetly.

I felt the pressure of his body push me against the wall gently as he locked his lips to mine.

"Okay…" was all I could say.

And with that he led me into our bedroom; a phrase that still said so much…

_Our bedroom._

_Our family._

_Our life…_

But I knew that wasn't the end of the night…

**Yes there is more to come; please let me know what you think!**

**Happy Reviewing!!**

**Amy.**


	11. Breaking Free

**A bit of a combination type chapter...but I am really glad you're enjoying the story...**

I felt the backs of my legs press against the walls of our hallway before I had any time to react to the pressure of his body against mine. The wall was cold as it hit my bare skin and sucked icicles to the goosebumps that were now forming across the entirety of my body. His lips came crashing down onto mine in a quick motion as he desperately sought a reaction from me; this was crazy and I knew this action all too well. But as soon as our lips connected and his arm pushed open the bedroom door, I started exploring a new emotion…it was almost an emotion in review however, because this was what it _used_ to be like…

"Derek…" I breathed heavily.

"Mmm…" he murmured as he pressed his lips to mine desperately.

But desperation lived in both of us as we craved more than what our bodies right then were offering.

As the door slammed shut I drew in a quick breath, wondering if the little children had woken…or scarier yet, if Charlie had heard.

With no response I grabbed his cheeks in my hands and pressed my lips to his again as I allowed the pressure of his torso force me down onto the bed in one quick and swift movement.

He fell onto me and I stared up into the lake of blue magic that gazed intently into the emerald city I offered. This was so much more; this was every belief that I held dear being exposed like our bodies as we ripped each other's clothes off.

As I was left in a bra and panties, I stared at him with wide eyes, allowing my self consciousness to surface as I realised that he hadn't seen me naked in so long for this amount of time…particularly in light.

His fingertips traced over my stomach, it reached down to the scar that sat on my hipline – a caesarean scar from when Mia was born…a representation of the last time we were truly happy…

"So beautiful…" he whispered as he pressed his lips to my scar and let them trail along my abdomen. He looked up when he reached my chin and smiled faintly.

"Derek…" I said softly.

"Mmm…"

"I love you…"

"I love you too…"

"Never again…"

"_Never again…_"

And that night, we made love…

I didn't believe in love making…

But if that isn't what love making is…it was pretty damn close…

And there is nothing in the world better than that…

The next morning I awoke to the sun peeking its way through any crack in the curtains that would allow it; desperately seeking to fall upon the skin of Derek and I as we slept soundly. I rolled over and felt my cheek press against the bare skin of Derek's chest. I lied there for a while, letting my body rise and fall with his breathing, listening to the echo of his heart beat.

Momentarily, he began to stir and awoke brightly to the familiar situation that he missed so much. The situation that was seemingly well overdue, the moments in his life that he so dearly cherished.

"Mmm…" he smiled as he leaned over to kiss me. "Good morning…"

I smiled back.

"Good morning to you too…" I whispered.

"What time is it?"

"Seven thirty…the kids will be awake soon…" I told him.

He nodded.

"I never realised how much I missed waking up with you…" he said softly as his lips pressed to mine tenderly, his stubble gently tickling my skin for an instant, sending shivers down my spine…flares crossing through our eyes like shooting stars in the night sky.

"I know…" was all I could say in a moment that required no words.

I think explanations sometimes can be so wildly overrated, for someone once said that actions speak louder than words. They do for the majority of the time; when words couldn't justify the emotions that were felt, when a sound could ruin the moment that allowed me to simply hear his perfect breathing.

Derek smiled again and held me tightly for a moment before the rattling of our doorknob startled our lingering instance.

"Mom…" came Mia's sleepy voice.

"Hold on honey…" I jumped up and slipped on some clothes before throwing Derek his boxers and t-shirt. I opened the door and saw Mia standing at the threshold with dark eyes. "Good morning darling…" I kissed her gently as I followed her over to the bed where she climbed in with Derek.

"Hey honey," Derek wrapped his arms around her.

"Hi dad…" she said tiredly.

"You're up early…" I commented.

"I know…I couldn't sleep…the play is tonight, remember?"

I nodded knowingly.

"Are you excited?" I asked.

"I am now that you _and_ dad are coming!" Mia replied.

Suddenly, Riley poked his head around the door.

"Hey sweetheart," I smiled.

"Why are you up so early mate?" Derek asked him.

"Couldn't sleep…" Riley groaned.

"Join the club…" Mia chimed in.

I started laughing at the cheeky remark.

Riley wandered over still rubbing his eyes; he climbed under the covers next to me and as I rested my arm around him, he snuggled in. Regardless of his age, he was still my special little boy and frequently came to me for a cuddle. I didn't mind, because I wanted my children to grow up affectionate and warm, away from the cold hearted emotions that came from my childhood.

"You okay honey?" I asked him as my hand brushed his dark curls from his eyes that were more like Derek every day.

He nodded and yawned.

"I'm okay," he replied. "Bit of a sore head…"

"Oh sweetheart…do you want an aspirin?"

Riley scrunched his nose up.

"Ugh no!" he cried.

I chuckled.

"Okay, but let me know if it gets worse…" I told him.

"Okay," he smiled.

"You gotta come to my play Riley!" Mia warned.

I laughed.

"Don't worry babe, we'll all be there!" I told her.

A loud groan surfaced from the hallway as Charlie poked her head in.

"God…does anyone sleep in this house?" she cried. "It's like seven thirty…"

I smiled at her.

"Come and lay in bed with us!" Derek outstretched his arms and Charlie flopped down across our legs.

"It's too early…" she groaned.

"Why don't we make pancakes for breakfast?" I suggested.

"As long as you aren't cooking it!" Charlie shot back.

I chuckled and looked at her.

"And what if I was?"

"Um…we'd all miss Mia's play from food poisoning!" Charlie answered with a laugh.

Mia looked up at Derek desperately.

"Dad! You have to cook!" she cried.

"I will," Derek kissed her forehead and held her tightly. "Well come on, let's start the day superstar!" he lifted Mia up with him when he climbed out of bed and moved to the door.

Mia giggled all the way down to the kitchen.

My family was happy again.

* * *

That night we all piled into the Middle School Auditorium for the play, Izzie and George, Derek and I and even Cristina and Bailey came along. Cristina, however was whining about the lacking conventions of what seemed to be an aimless event.

"Oh man…I remember when the kids first put this movie on at home…it was crap! And it is even worse the second time around!" she groaned.

I smiled.

"Wait until you see Jacob and Riley's light show…its really incredible!" Izzie commented.

"Oh quit it Barbie, I know the kids are talented…I just don't understand why their talent doesn't stretch to perfecting a running whip stitch at twelve…" Cristina whined.

I whacked her gently and focused my attention on the stage where Tucker emerged.

"Yay Tuck!" George exclaimed jumping up.

Tucker's eyes lit up as he saw his mom and dad sitting proudly in the front row.

"Ladies and gentlemen, students and guests, welcome to tonight's stage production of _High School Musical: The Seattle Story_…now sit back, relax and enjoy the show!"

The whole row of us jumped up and cheered as our kids took the stage.

_And right here tonight_

_This could be the start of something new_

I looked at Jordin as she sang and back at her proud parents who stared intently at their beautiful daughter who took to the stage like a rock star.

When it was Mia's turn to sing I felt tears come to my eyes as her beautiful voice soared through the auditorium in a way like no other.

_We're soaring_

_Flying_

_There's not a star in heaven that we can't reach_

_If we're trying_

_We're breaking free_

I looked over at Cristina who was staring in awe at her nieces on stage; astounded by their talent and excited by the lyrics.

_You know the world can see us_

_In a way that's different than who we are_

When the concert ended I looked around at my family who were finally on the mend – my superstar children and what seemed to be becoming a perfect life…

**I wanted to write the play even if it was a little bit****...i think everyone understands that these lyrics in some way apply to MerDer!**

**Proud Cristina...oh I love it.**

**The next chapter will be something quite funny I hope!**

**Show some love and hit the purple button!!**

**REVIEWS!**

**Amy.**


	12. Drive Me Crazy

**Okay, I have seriously been dying to write this chapter - Seriously! I hope it makes you laugh...we need some humour now that the drama is behind them!**

"Mom! Mom!" Charlie came running into the house after school that afternoon at such a speed I thought the floors would collapse under her. Her face was incredibly lit up and she was beaming like I'd never seen before.

"What? What's going on?" I asked as I looked up from my crossword and pushed my reading glasses down my nose slightly.

I gasped when she slammed the learner's permit down on the table in front of me excitedly and pointed at it over and over again.

"Look!"

"Oh…I can see…" I drew in a sharp breath and stared at it again, wondering if by any chance she'd made it up, faked it…anything that took away the belief that my daughter was now a training driver. "But…Charlie…I thought Principal Leeman wasn't going to allow you to take Driver's Ed until next semester?"

"Well…seeing as though I have been doing a lot better in my studies, he decided to let me…" Charlie replied happily.

"Tell me that you didn't pay him Charlie?" I asked quickly.

Charlie started to laugh.

"No mom, I just dazzled him with my charm!" she said. "And I _have_ been working really hard…I promise!"

I smiled at her and patted her arm gently.

"I am really proud of you honey…I just don't know how your dad is going to react…" I told her.

My ears prickled at the sound of Riley and Mia entering the house in such a fuss as bags and books hit the floor with thuds and their little feet came into the kitchen quickly.

"Hi mom!" Mia said happily as she threw her arms around me.

"Hey babe," I answered happily. I looked up at Riley as he gawked at Charlie's learner permit. "Hey buddy,"

"Hey mom…" he picked it up. "Oh tell me it's not true?"

Charlie nodded excitedly.

"Yep! So true squirt! In another few months, I will be a licensed driver!" she told him.

Riley threw his head down onto the bench top and groaned heavily.

"Why?" he cried throwing his arms up in the air.

I shook my head.

"But mom, Charlie can't drive!" Mia cried.

I looked at her and smiled.

"Dad and I have to teach her to drive," I answered.

"But mom…you hate being in the car with _dad_, how will you teach an inexperienced driver?" Riley asked.

"What's with the big words?" I asked him.

"Learned it today," Riley replied.

I chuckled slightly.

"Well seeing as though you are all excited…how about we take you for a drive?" I suggested to Charlie.

"Um…what about us…the unaccompanied minors?" Riley questioned.

"Seriously, mate…the big words again…?" I cried.

"It was an English lesson on antonyms…" Riley shrugged slightly.

"I'm sure you and Mia will be fine for ten minutes while I take Charlie down onto the road…" I told him.

"Riley can't babysit me!" Mia exclaimed.

"Mia, I am sure you and Riley can handle yourselves for ten minutes!" I told her with all amounts of confidence, I _was_ only going to be two minutes down the road.

She nodded.

"I'm going to watch cable…" Riley sighed as he grabbed a cookie and headed for the lounge room.

"I'm going to finish my homework," Mia told me as she headed upstairs.

I turned to Charlie and smiled.

"Come on, we'll take the BMW seeing as though dad took the jeep," I said.

"But the BMW is a stick shift!" Charlie cried.

"There is no better way to learn, Charlie." I told her.

She groaned and grabbed the keys from my hand.

"Come on, let's go…" I said nervously.

Charlie climbed into the car outside and sat still for a second.

"Okay, check your mirrors…" I told her. "Now…put one foot on the brake and another on the clutch…"

"How am I supposed to accelerate?" Charlie cried.

"Swap between your brake and accelerator peddle," I answered.

She nodded hesitantly.

"Take off your hand brake…" I told her. "And now pull your clutch back a little bit…and give a little on the accelerator…"

As she took her foot off the brake peddle, she pushed hard down on the accelerator and with a loud roar the car rolled back quickly in large rocks as it resisted the clutch peddle.

"No!" I yelled.

"What?" Charlie yelled back. "I just did what you told me to!"

The car continued to roll.

"Brake!" I screeched as I pulled on the hand brake and took in sharp inward and shallow breaths.

I looked up at the house to see Riley and Mia looking out the long glass windows killing themselves with laughter. I pointed at them furiously and looked back at Charlie who had now gone white as a ghost.

"Okay…" I breathed out a heavy sigh.

Charlie gripped the steering wheel tightly and stared straight ahead.

"Let's try that again…" I said softly. "Now, release the hand brake with your foot on the brake peddle…as you take your foot off the brake; pull your clutch back slightly…" I listened to the engine of the car react with Charlie's driving. "And accelerate…just a little…"

Yet again she revved the car engine as high as it would go and the car sped forward in grunts.

"Stop!" I yelled as I reefed the hand brake on as quickly as I could.

Charlie slammed her hands down onto the steering wheel and cursed in what appeared to be French.

"Well Charlie, I am glad those French classes are paying off!" I sighed heavily.

I looked back at the house to see Mia and Riley still laughing; when they saw my furious look, however, they quickly jumped back behind the curtains.

"Maybe your dad will be better at this…" I sighed.

That night at dinner, Charlie sat poking her food, still clearly scarred from the afternoon's driving.

"I think I am just not a good teacher…" I concluded.

"Mmm…" Charlie replied. "Or maybe I am the world's worst learner driver…"

I laughed and recalled the first time I learned to drive; explaining it to Charlie, I gained a smile from the beautiful face that I was so used to seeing.

"And my dad…well he took me into a parking lot after hours where there were only a few cars…he said that I wouldn't be able to hit one…" I chuckled. "As I parallel parked…three spaces away from any car…I side swiped a Mercedes…"

Charlie burst out laughing.

"What did he say?" she asked.

"Yeah, let's say that we spent a fortune on the Seattle East Driving School…" I smiled at her as I leaned down to kiss her forehead. "You're not the only person who struggled to learn to drive…"

Charlie smiled at me and started eating.

"Yeah…but she's definitely the first person to hit a garbage bin when trying to drive forward!" Riley said.

"Riley James!" I warned.

"It wasn't a garbage bin…it was a compost disposer!" Charlie shot back. "I still don't see why we have one anyway mom!"

"Because your father is a man of the wild…" I sighed shaking my head.

"Hello…?" came Derek's voice from the front door.

"Speak of the devil," I said with a smile.

Derek walked in with a big smile.

"Hey!" I smiled.

"Dad!" Mia and Riley said happily.

"Dad!" Charlie jumped up and ran over to the bench and shoved her learner's permit in his face quickly.

"Whoa…" Derek took it and stared at it intently. "Is this real?"

"As the knocked over compost disposer," I replied.

"Uh-oh…"

"I know…"

"That's great sweetie…" Derek tried to smile sincerely at Charlie who was beaming with excitement.

"So…driving tomorrow?" she asked him hopefully.

I looked at Derek with wide eyes.

"Uh…maybe your mom will take you honey," Derek said quickly.

"Yeah…been there done that…code white for me, code brown for her!" Charlie answered flippantly.

I looked at him and shrugged.

"Yeah, I am a slightly nervous passenger," I sighed.

Derek looked back at his daughter's gleaming and hopeful eyes.

"Okay," he sighed in defeat.

Charlie threw her arms around him.

"Thank you, thank you, thank you!" she exclaimed happily. "I've gotta go and call Jess!"

"Don't tie up the phone tonight Charlie! Aunty Iz tried to ring last night to check something with me and she couldn't get through!"

"Okay!" Charlie called back as she bounded up the stairs.

I looked at Derek and shook my head.

"So…how bad was it?" he asked.

"Oh you have no idea…" I sighed.

--

The next day Derek had driven Charlie to a secluded area of Seattle's back streets. He was climbing out of the car when he looked around the road to ensure there was no way she would hit anyone or anything…

"Okay…" he said as he drew in a nervous breath. "Now…pull your clutch back slightly…you can hear it in the car see…?"

Charlie nodded.

"Now just ease onto your accelerator…" Derek instructed. "Easy…that's it…"

The beautiful black BMW began coasting down the road.

"I did it!" Charlie exclaimed.

"That's it…beautiful…now slow down…Charlie, slow down…" Derek started to panic when her response didn't coordinate with her driving. "Charlie! Slow down!"

"I'm braking dad!" Charlie yelled.

"Whoa…whoa…turn left here…left…" he directed quickly with anxiety crossing his usually calm voice.

"Left…left…" Charlie couldn't remember left and right and needless to say she began to turn right.

"No! The other left! The other left!" Derek yelled.

Charlie spun the wheel quickly and took her feet away from the peddles, letting the car whip around the corner and nearly turn on two wheels.

"Whoa!" Derek shouted. "Brake Charlie!"

With two feet, Charlie slammed her feet on the brake and let her and Derek fly as far forward as the seatbelt would allow them.

Derek breathed heavily and stared straight ahead, wondering if it was possible for his feet to have blown through the floor and hit the ground.

"Dad…" Charlie said quietly.

"Yeah…?" Derek's voice was almost a squeak.

"Is it too late to get a driving instructor?"

**Hope you all enjoyed it, hope it made you laugh!!**

**Reviews!**

**Amy.**


	13. Twelve and Sixteen Candles

**I hope you are enjoying the storyline! Just a bit of fun at the moment; I feel as though Mer and Derek have had enough drama for the time being; and I really love getting into their kids' characters; they are heaps of fun!!**

* * *

"No Charlie!" I cried.

"Oh…please….please, please, pretty please mom!" Charlie begged as her eyes desperately pleaded with me to say yes.

"Charlie, why can't you and your friends just go out for dinner somewhere…I know you want a party…but I just don't want fifty sixteen and fifteen year olds in my house…" I sighed.

"But mom…I'm sixteen…technically legal for some things…" Charlie started.

"Whoa…watch it!" I warned.

"I just want a party mom! I think I deserve one…" Charlie sighed.

"Oh yeah, hmm let me see…cutting school, an F in English, smoking and underage drinking…yeah, you've been _really_ good this year Charlie," I shook my head.

"Oh…okay, let me see…um, the separation…sneaky sex with dad and bad driving instructor…yeah, you really deserve parent of the year mom!" Charlie shot back in a tone I hadn't heard in a while.

"Charlie!" I cried. "Why do you have the urge to speak to me like that?"

"Comes naturally," Charlie answered cheekily.

"The answer is still no!" I told her.

She screamed in frustration and ran upstairs to her room, stomping on the stairs as loudly as her feet would carry her.

"You're infuriating! It's…" _stomp_ "…not…" _stomp_ "…fair…!"

I rolled my eyes and diverted my attention to the pasta on the stove top as I stirred it slightly, recalling the times when Charlie would sit on the bench and help stir the pasta for dinner; pleading desperately to set the table and help. Now it was a mission to even get her to the dinner table.

"Mom!" Mia ran into the kitchen.

"Honey, what did I say about running in the kitchen?" I asked as she ran straight into me.

"I know, I know…but Riley won't let me watch TV!" Mia cried.

I groaned and looked at her as I shook my head.

"Because she insists on watching _Hannah Montana_!" Riley shouted from the lounge room.

"Riley!" I called. "Come here please…"

Riley strolled into the kitchen and rested his hand on his hip.

"What?" he asked obnoxiously.

"_Yes mom_," I corrected him.

"Yes mom?" he repeated with a frown.

"Mate, you've been watching TV all afternoon," I sighed. "Do you think you could let Mia watch the last fifteen minutes of _Hannah Montana_?"

Riley groaned and slammed the remote down onto the table.

"Have your stupid, idiotic remote!" he said loudly as he shoved into her on his way past.

"Riley James!" I called after him. "Come back here please…"

Riley walked back into the kitchen and leaned on the counter top.

"What's wrong with you today mister?" I asked him as I ran my fingers through his dark hair.

"Mia won't leave me alone!" he cried. "I'm nearly twelve and I can't always be seen with my little sister!"

I chuckled slightly.

"And…it sucks, because I know that Charlie wants a party…but so do I!" he cried. "So if you won't let her have one, I can't have one!"

I sighed heavily and put my hand to his cheek.

"Sweetie, you know how dad and I feel about parties…." I sighed. "The last time you had a superhero party, your friend Jayden Haines used the trampoline as a rocket launch pad and nearly blew the whole house up…"

"But I'm not friends with Jayden anymore!" Riley protested.

"Honey…I just don't think it's a good idea…you and Charlie both have a lot of friends and your birthdays are one day apart…" I said to him. "That would mean a joint party…we don't have the room…"

"Whatever…" Riley grumbled.

I groaned heavily and hugged him tightly.

"Let me talk to your dad…" I told him. "Charlie!" I called.

Charlie walked down the stairs and stood staring at me, clearly still angry from my objection to her party.

"What?" she asked.

"_Yes mom_," I corrected her just as I had Riley moments earlier.

"Yes mom?" Charlie repeated sarcastically.

"I am going to ask your dad if you and Riley can have a party…" I told her.

"As in a joint party? Um…no!" Charlie cried.

"Joint party or no party Charlie," I warned.

"Uh…fine," Charlie sighed. She walked over to hug me. "Thanks mom…"

"Twenty people maximum for each of you…" I told them.

Riley and Charlie nodded.

"Now, both of you set the table for dinner and then take Mia to wash up!" I said.

* * *

"Hello?" came Derek's voice on the other end of the phone line.

"Hey," I said softly.

"Oh hey honey," he answered. "I've got a pretty big night tonight, I'm not sure what time I'll be home…but I'll be there as soon as I can…"

"Oh, it's okay," I replied. "But I need to ask you something…"

"What is it?"

"Riley and Charlie both want parties…" I told him.

Derek groaned.

"Charlie and parties are never a good combination…tequila…Jeremy Mitchell…?" he reminded me.

"I know…" I sighed.

"And let's not forget Riley's superhero party with Jayden Haines and the trampoline rocket launch…" Derek added.

"I know…but both kids assure me they will be responsible…" I said.

"Our kids…responsible?" Derek snorted.

"They're trying Derek…" I told him.

Derek groaned and went silent.

"Okay," he said.

"Great! They'll be really excited…so what time should I expect you honey?" I asked.

"As soon as I can," he replied.

"Okay…I'll let you go…I love you…"

"I love you too…"

I hung up the phone and wandered into the living room where Charlie was texting on her cell phone and Riley and Mia were playing cards.

They all turned around as I entered the room.

"Dad said yes…" I told them.

Charlie and Riley cheered and Mia groaned.

"I'm going crazy mom!" she cried.

* * *

"Mom! Where's Aunty Iz with the cakes?" Charlie cried. "Everyone will be here soon and I don't want anyone to see the cakes…if I can't, no one can!'

I groaned and remember her fifth birthday, with the Princess theme, I also remember it being the day I went into labour with Riley.

"She's nearly here babe, they're stuck in traffic!" I told her.

Cristina wandered into the room.

"Aunty Cris, can you help me?" Charlie begged.

"With what?" Cristina asked.

"Finding shoes…" Charlie replied.

"Charlie, you know I don't do fashion…" Cristina groaned.

Charlie didn't give her a chance to argue anymore and simply smiled at her and grabbed her arm dragging her up the stairs.

"Mom!" came Riley's voice.

I whipped around to see him fiddling with the buttons on a new smart shirt.

"Smell me…" he leaned forward.

I took a whiff and stepped back.

"Whoa…" I tried to conceal the feeling of scrunching my nose. "Um…lovely honey…what is it?"

"Calvin Klein!" Riley cried. "Clearly…"

"Oh," I tried to look knowing. "Oh, of course…"

He rushed off and I took a breath of clean air to stale the overpowering scent of Calvin.

I heard the door open and Jordin and Jacob run through the kitchen.

"Hey Aunty Mer!" Jacob said.

"Hey honey," I kissed his forehead. I turned to Jordin and did the same. "Hello beautiful,"

"Hi Aunty Mer!" Jordin answered.

"Where's your mom?" I asked them.

"Her and dad are getting the cakes out of the car!" Jordin answered.

"Okay…oh, Jordy, Mia is upstairs…can you two please not make too much of a mess?" I asked.

"Okay!" Jordin replied over her shoulder.

Jacob ran out to see Riley and I was then faced with Izzie and George carrying in two fabulous cakes.

"Wow, Iz…you've out done yourself this year!" I told her.

"I know!" she exclaimed as they set them down at the table. "Where's Charlie? I've got her present," she said.

"Upstairs with Cristina…" I told her as she carried a rather large parcel upstairs with her.

I turned to George.

"So…this is why Derek and I don't have parties…"

George laughed.

* * *

"Hey babe!" Izzie walked into Charlie's room and looked around. "Wow, love the new décor!"

Charlie nodded as Cristina looked up helplessly.

"So what do you think Aunty Iz…the black or red?" Charlie held up two pairs of shoes.

"Red, definitely…" Izzie answered. She walked over and gave her a hug. "I can't believe you're 16…" she handed her the present. "This is from all of us…"

Charlie smiled and opened it.

"Wow…" she breathed as she pulled out a beautiful cashmere Chanel sweater and a matching Chanel jewellery set. "Oh…Aunty Iz…it's beautiful…"

"We wanted to get you something nice…" Izzie said.

"Thank you…" Charlie said as she hugged Izzie.

"Happy birthday beautiful girl," Izzie said softly.

Cristina reached into her pocket and pulled out a small card wrapped present.

"This is from me…and Burke of course…"

Charlie opened it and gasped.

"Fashion Week?" she exclaimed. "Oh my god…when…?"

"In June…but you will have to take someone with you…that's why there are two tickets…now check inside the other part of the card…" Cristina instructed.

Charlie pulled out another two pieces of paper.

"Oh my god! Two tickets to New York?" she yelled.

"I'm sure your mom will take you…" Cristina answered.

Charlie threw her arms around Cristina.

"You'll fit right in with the Chanel," Cristina smiled at Izzie.

* * *

Izzie and Cristina walked downstairs to find Riley and give him his presents, but all his friends were arriving.

"Should we?" Izzie asked Cristina.

"And being the embarrassing aunties? Why not?" Cristina chuckled.

Riley looked up and smiled at them.

"Guys, these are my aunties…Izzie and Cristina," he pointed to them accordingly.

Izzie smiled and Cristina kind of looked them up and down.

"Here is your present, buddy," Izzie said as she handed him a parcel.

Riley opened it and smiled widely.

"Guitar Hero…?" he cried. "Wow! Thanks Aunty Iz!"

"Well, your Aunty Cristina and I piled our presents together…and got you something from everyone…" Izzie explained as Riley opened the bigger parcel and widened his eyes. "A _Playstation3_?" he cried. "Oh thank you, thank you!" he threw his arms around his aunts.

* * *

Putting the children to bed later, I looked in at Riley and smiled.

"Good night my favourite twelve year old…" I said softly.

Riley looked up and smiled.

"Thank you for my party mom…" he said.

"You're welcome honey," I answered. "I love you…"

"I love you too mom…" he blew me a kiss.

I smiled and closed the door.

I walked over to Charlie's bedroom door and knocked.

"Come in…"

"Hey," I smiled as I walked in and saw her flicking through the photos on her new digital camera.

"Hey mom," she smiled.

"Did you have a nice day?" I asked.

She nodded.

"I did…thank you so much," she replied.

I sighed heavily and put my arm around her as I picked up a photo of her, Derek and I when she was only four.

"I can't believe you are 16 already…" I sighed.

"A lot has changed…" she told me.

I looked at that sweet face for a moment.

"You'd be surprised as to how things haven't…" I told her.

**

* * *

**

I really love the kids bonding with their Aunts - it makes their family so real!

**REVIEWS!!**

**PS: You will see Mer and Charlie heading to New York soon!!**


	14. Spots

**I hope you enjoy this chapter!!**

"Argh!" came the shrill and hysterical scream of Mia as it exploded through the hallway of the house that Sunday morning.

I froze in the kitchen for a moment; thoughts crossing my minds of all sorts. What could she be screaming at? Derek had been at the hospital all night, and was still there now; I was alone with the kids. Needless to say, should there be an intruder or burglar of some sort, I had a feeling that I was going to have to rely on Riley's baseball bat for defence.

Letting my feet take control of my thoughts, I ran frantically upstairs.

"Mia!" I yelled desperately.

I heard Mia scream again; this time the scream was louder than the first. As I picked up my pace, I drew in quick and sharp breaths while my feet hit the stairs in thumps as my desperation grew tight in my throat. I ran past Charlie's room causing her to look up at my panicked dash.

"Mom!" Charlie cried as she frowned. She jumped up and followed me quickly to Mia's room.

It was empty.

Okay, now it was time to panic.

Where could she be?

A third scream sounded from the bathroom, clearly indicating where Mia was. This scream triggered a million thoughts in my mind, wondering why my nine year old daughter was screaming from the bathroom. As I passed Riley's empty bedroom, I snatched up the baseball bat.

"What's that for?" Charlie cried.

I edged closer to the bathroom door; letting my feet touch the timber floor as quietly as I could, not daring to make a sound and scare the possible intruder. At the same time I was desperately seeking an answer to why Mia was screaming in the bathroom. I lifted the bat shakily, higher and higher into the air as I held the bat as tight as I could over my head.

As a final shrill and horrific scream erupted from the thin layer of the door to the bathroom, I reached out with my left hand, still holding the bat in my right, and twisted the doorknob quickly. I flung open the door and proceeded to somewhat swing the bat through the air; the scene before me, however, was less than what I anticipated.

"Mom…" Mia cried.

I almost laughed at the very funny sight that was completely unlike the scene I had pictured in my mind. Mia was standing in front of the long, bathroom mirror dressed in nothing but a small pair of ballet shorts and a singlet. The singlet was hoisted up around her ribs and she was staring into the mirror, horrified; spots covered every single inch of her little body.

"Oh…" I sighed and managed to chuckle slightly at the melodramatic personality of my youngest child. "Oh, honey…"

"What is this?" Mia exclaimed.

Charlie burst out laughing.

"Charlotte Grace Shepherd, don't you dare laugh at this! It is not funny!" I warned.

"Chickenpox…" she spluttered.

"Chickenpox?" Mia yelled.

Riley wandered into the bathroom to serve his curiosity surrounding the commotion that occupied his house.

"Who has chickenpox?" he asked as his eyes travelled around at the three girls in the bathroom; he then focused on Mia and laughed. "Well, it certainly sucks to be you then, doesn't it?"

"Riley James!" I cried as my hand quickly reached out for his little arm where I shoved him into the hallway.

But before he walked away, I started laughing.

"Riley, honey…" I sighed through my giggles.

Riley whipped around.

"Honey…what are those spots on your neck?" I asked.

Riley gasped.

"What?" he yelled in shock as his hand reached around to his neck. He ran over to the mirror, shoving Mia out of the way. "You germ infested little brat!" he shouted at his little sister.

"Riley James Shepherd!" I exclaimed.

Charlie groaned.

"Mom…have I had chickenpox?" she asked.

I shook my head.

"No babe, not as far as I know…"

"Seriously?"

"Seriously,"

"What about school?" Mia asked.

"Usually about ten days off school, I'm afraid," I replied.

"Ten days?" Mia yelled.

"I'm sorry," Riley said quickly in the usual sarcastic and bitter tone he seemed to have inherited from me. "I must have been dreaming because I thought you said ten days…"

I shook my head.

"Mom…please…I can't be stuck in this house…in that small living room…with Mia for _ten whole days_!" Riley exclaimed.

"Sorry buddy…" I sighed.

Riley turned around and flashed an angry and resentful glare at Mia before he turned on his heels quickly and stormed out of the bathroom. I walked over to Mia and sighed heavily as I pulled her singlet back down over her stomach and patted her back gently.

"Go and hop into bed…" I said softly as I wrapped my arms around her and kissed her forehead.

Mia shrugged slightly and hugged my back gently before she turned and walked into her bedroom. I turned around and looked at Charlie with a sigh as I shook my head at the situation.

"Keep your eyes out for spots babe, I think it's really only a matter of time now…" I told her.

She groaned resentfully and put her arms around me as she rolled her eyes. I giggled and walked with her downstairs back into the kitchen where she perched herself onto a bar stool.

"So mom…you'll have fun next week with both Riley _and_ Mia at home for ten days!" Charlie said.

I laughed.

"Yes, I can't wait for all of the TV fights…it will be the collision of _Hannah Montana_ and baseball play offs!" I answered. "Yeah, it will be _really_ fun!"

Charlie giggled and reached over for her cup of tea. The phone rang and she reached over to snatch it up.

"Hello?"

"Hey honey,"

"Hey dad!"

"How is it going in Shepherd Central?"

"Crazy stuff, dad,"

"Crazy? How so?"

"I'll let mom explain…"

She handed me the phone.

"Hi honey," I said.

"Charlie said that it's chaos at home!"

"Well, Mia and Riley have the chickenpox!"

"Chickenpox?" Derek cried with a chuckle. "Ha, I remember when I had the chickenpox! I got it in fourth grade and gave it to all of my sisters…or so they said; I gave it to Nancy and _she_ gave it to the other girls! But yet, they still hated me for it!" he laughed.

"Well, Riley is blaming Mia for it," I told him.

"Are they okay though? Any fever?" he asked.

"Oh, they're fine honey…Mia is in bed, probably reading her new book and Riley is watching some baseball on cable," I answered. "I'll check for a fever at lunch,"

"What about Charlie?" Derek asked

"What about her?"

"She's never had chickenpox…or as far as we knew…" Derek reminded me with a chuckle.

"She'll probably get it Derek," I told him as I eyed Charlie and ran my fingers through her hair. "But she'll be able to help me look after the little kids then…"

"No I won't!" Charlie shot back.

I smiled at her.

"Well, I'll see if I can be home by lunch…I have a pretty light afternoon; it's a quiet board today," Derek said.

"That would be nice if you could come for lunch," I said.

"Okay, I've gotta go,"

"No worries, I love you…"

"I love you too,"

* * *

"Mom!" came Riley's voice.

"Just wait a second honey!" I called back.

I carried the two plates into the lounge room where Riley and Mia were both curled up on the lounges; they both looked a little weaker than they had earlier in the morning and new spots were forming everywhere.

"Here you go," I handed them both toasted cheese sandwiches. "Are you feeling okay darling?" I asked Mia as I noted her flushed cheeks under a mask of spots.

"My head hurts…" Mia groaned.

I shook my head and ran my hand across her forehead and felt her skin boiling under my touch.

"Baby, you need to go and lay up in your bed…" I told her with a gentle smile and a comforting hand.

She nodded and allowed me to take her upstairs where I pulled the covers back and let her climb under them. As I tucked the blankets in around her she frowned for a minute and looked up at my face.

"What's wrong?" I asked her.

Her hand reached out and touched my forehead and then touched my cheek, and finally she touched my neck.

"Mia…"

"Mom…you've got spots…" she whispered.

I gasped and jumped up to look into the small mirror on Mia's wall.

"Crap…" I cried.

"Mom…" came Charlie's voice as she entered Mia's room.

"Yeah…" I turned around to look at Charlie; giggling slightly. "Oh…"

Charlie was covered in spots too.

This wasn't good…

* * *

Derek wandered into the bedroom just after lunch that day and started to laugh as he saw both Charlie and I in bed; our faces red and starting to fill with spots.

"Oh dear…" he sighed as he walked over and kissed us. "What happened to you?" he asked.

"Honey, I was a child of a surgeon…I spent most of my time in a hospital and clearly not enough time in school to get _chickenpox_!" I cried.

He laughed and looked at Charlie and I sympathetically.

"I have a craniotomy tomorrow at eight…how am I going to do it?" I cried.

"I'll push it a few days…or I might just get another neuro attending…Bishop can do it," Derek replied.

I smiled and looked at him.

"Still love us?" I asked.

"Even with your spots!" he answered as he kissed Charlie and I once more.

I guess this was the, _in sickness and in health_, part.

**I think this chapter would be really funny to see. Meredith would not have had the chickenpox, she's just unlucky like that. **

**REVIEW please!!**


	15. Back To You

**Just a bit of fluff for your entertainment.**

I stared at the television sleepily that afternoon; it had been three days since I had caught the chickenpox and I was becoming ever so agitated with the three children fighting constantly over the remote.

"Mom…" came Charlie's voice.

I groaned.

"I swear…I am going to throw the cable remote down into the river!" I told her as she walked into the room scratching her arm. "And don't scratch!"

"Mom, you've got a visitor…or two…" she said.

I looked up and saw Cristina enter the room, letting loose a slight chuckle and shaking her head. I looked behind her to see Izzie following.

"Hey," I said with a smile.

"Ha…nice spots…" Cristina giggled.

I shook my head.

"Shut up!"

"Do you want me to make some soup or something Mer?" Izzie asked as she sat down on the edge of the bed.

I shrugged.

"Nah, I think Derek is coming home early anyway…" I told her. "And I am hanging out for his pasta tonight,"

Charlie groaned.

"Not pasta…" she cried.

"Charlie…" I sighed. "Please don't argue with me…I don't have the energy…"

Cristina rolled her eyes.

"Where are the other kids?" she asked Charlie.

"Fighting over the cable remote…" Charlie answered.

Cristina folded her arms.

"Meredith…why don't you have more than one television with cable on it?" she asked.

"Because it would mean more arguments over who had the better room for watching television!" I told her.

Charlie shook her head.

"I'm with Aunty Cris on that one, mom!"

I rolled my eyes.

"Cristina, can you go and see if Mia and Riley need anymore calamine lotion?" I asked.

Cristina's eyes widened.

"Meredith, they're nine and twelve, I am certain that they can cover their own spots!" she exclaimed.

"Cristina, please…" I sighed.

She glared at me and grabbed onto Charlie's arm.

"You can help," she told her.

Charlie groaned.

"But they're whiny little brats!" she cried.

"When you use that voice…_you_ sound like a whiny little brat!" I told Charlie.

Cristina and Charlie left the room and Izzie sat on the edge of the bed.

"So how are you feeling?" she asked me kindly as she put her hand to my forehead. "Mmm…you're a bit warm…maybe I should go and see if you have something for the fever…"

I laughed.

"Iz, I'm fine, seriously…" I assured her.

But Izzie didn't buy my response as much as I didn't buy saying it.

"No, you're not!" she shot back. "Now stay under those blankets or I will strap you down with Riley's duct tape!"

My eyes widened.

"Okay…" I answered.

--

That night, Derek came into the bedroom to find me half asleep in bed; it was relatively late, and I'd really tried my best to wait up for him.

"Sorry I'm late honey," he sighed.

I rolled over and looked at him with a sad look; I'd missed him so much that day, and it was always when I needed him that surgery got in the way. But that had been the case since we'd met.

"It's okay," I answered.

He lied next to me and brushed my fringe from my eyes as his fingertips grazed my spots gently.

"Don't…it makes them itchy…" I told him.

"Have you been in the pine tar sols bath?" he asked.

I shook my head.

"It's gross…" I whined.

"You have been a surgeon for ten years, probably seen more things than most people your age…you've been through years of changing dirty diapers and yet you can't get into a bath of pine tar sols?" Derek cried.

I shook my head.

"I guess so…"

"I'll run you a bath…" he said as he got up and turned the knobs on the deep Victoria style bath tub.

Opening cupboard doors, he squirted the solution into the water, turning it a shade of yellow. I sat up and stared at it, scrunching my nose and frowning at the smell.

"That's so gross…" I commented.

Derek laughed.

"Hurry up and get ready for your bath…" he told me.

I decided that I could make this bath incredibly interesting; so being as seductive as I could in my sickness, I walked into the bathroom and pulled my shirt over my head to reveal a new black and lacy bra.

"Mer…" Derek nearly choked on his words.

I pushed my pyjama pants down and stepped out of them, so that the matching panties were now visible.

"Oh my god…" Derek's voice was raspy and hoarse.

Luckily for my intentions, I had only a few spots that covered my body, so when I turned around to fiddle with my bra strap, Derek reached out gingerly for my arm.

"Meredith…"

I whirled around to stare at him for a moment, feeling his body pull me closer and gaps closing between us as every inch faded by the instant.

"Even with spots…you're still the sexiest woman ever…" he whispered in my ear.

"Think you can handle the gross bath?" I asked with a giggle.

"I'm sure I can…" Derek answered as he pulled me closer and suddenly our bodies meshed together, forming the perfection of a lover's dance.

--

I felt a small tug on my hand the next morning as the sun greeted me; a rarity in Seattle's frequent rain.

"Mom…"

I didn't register to the voice and assumed I was dreaming.

But then it came again.

"Mom…"

I opened my eyes to see Mia staring back at me.

"What's up baby?" I asked.

"I can't sleep…"

"How come?"

"Bad dream…"

I frowned sympathetically and pulled the covers back for her to climb under.

"Are you okay?" I asked.

She shook her head and her lower lip trembled slightly.

"What's wrong angel…?"

"I don't want dad to go away again…" she said sadly.

I felt my heart melt.

"He won't go away again darling, I promise…" I told her sincerely.

Mia buried her face in my chest and cried harder.

"What's wrong sweetheart?" came Derek's voice as he exited the bathroom and saw Mia.

Mia looked up as he came and sat on the bed gently. He leaned down to rub her back.

"Dad…I don't want you to ever leave…" she sobbed.

Derek felt his eyes fill with tears.

"Honey, I'll never go away again…we're a family again, nothing will break us apart…" he promised.

"Do you promise?" Mia asked.

"I promise…" Derek answered. He tried to make her smile. "Now come on, let's make some breakfast,"

And at that moment, I watched my daughter walk with her father out my bedroom door, knowing that our lives were indeed on the mend; for the good and bad, we were certainly on our way back to where we were.

Strangely enough, I knew that things couldn't stay the same for long, so later that morning when I stared at the two pink lines on the pregnancy test, I knew that there was more to this equation than met the eye.

**Well, I hope that this has placed a nice new twist on the story; another baby in the family could certainly bring about a lot of change for Mer and Der.**

**REVIEW!!**


	16. Trying To Talk

**Okay, massive apologies for the delay in the update! I hope you like the pregnancy twist!**

* * *

I looked over at Derek with a smile as he and Mia worked quietly on her weekly homework at our eight seater dinner table; I'd really and honestly thought we had been done with the babies and realisation sunk in that there was more to come.

Derek looked up at my locked in gaze and frowned.

"Are you okay, love?" he asked.

"I'm just fine darling," I answered.

_But I wasn't okay._

"Are you sure?"

I nodded.

"Yeah,"

_NO!_

"Mer…" it was quite uncanny how Derek always seemed to know when something was wrong. "Can we do this after dinner now, Mia?"

Mia nodded.

"Okay…do you think you could go and watch some television so mommy and I can talk?"

Mia climbed off the chair and wandered into the living room where she turned the television on. Derek turned around to smile at me sincerely.

"You haven't been yourself lately," he said.

"I've just been really tired honey…" I lied; truth be told, it had been a whole week since I'd learned I was pregnant but I still hadn't told anyone.

Derek frowned.

"Mer…you know, as well as I do, that you are a really, really bad liar…" he said.

I knew that was incredibly true.

"I…I'm not lying…" I lied once more as he stood within inches of my now flustered face.

"Spill…" he said softly.

I couldn't though.

"I'm just…well…yeah, I've just been sick…and I am just so ready to go back to work…" I said.

Derek knew that deep down in my shaking words, it wasn't the complete and entire truth, but not wanting to cause an argument, he managed to accept it.

"Well, you'll be back there in no time at all honey…" he told me softly as he ran his incredibly soft hands down my cheeks with his open palms.

His beautiful and large lips came close to my much smaller ones and grazed over them for a moment where they almost, just almost, took away all of my insecurity that I was feeling right then. For a split second, I nearly opened my mouth and told him; but the flecking and smoky scent that alerted my nostrils soon enough, interrupted my forming words.

"Crap!" I gasped as I quickly pulled away and raced to the stove, pulling the blue saucepan from the hotplate. "You better stop distracting me…" I said with a slight chuckle. "Or, I could burn our dinner…"

"It wouldn't be the first time…" Derek chuckled.

I poked him in the ribs with my stirrer.

"I see that you're really making a conscious effort to stay out of the dog house honey," I said with a smile as I looked into the lounge room to see Charlie talking on the phone and Mia and Riley watching the television.

I wondered if another baby would, in fact, break that new found peace and quiet.

"Kids…dinner time!" I called.

Riley and Mia jumped up quickly, but Charlie's response was less than anticipated as she continued to talk on the phone.

"Charlie…"

No answer.

"Charlie…" I said again.

There was still no response.

"Charlotte Shepherd!"

Charlie whipped around and looked over her shoulder as her auburn hair flicked to the side of her face.

"What?" she whispered abruptly.

"Dinner!" I told her.

She nodded.

* * *

Derek and I were laying together in bed that night; simply enjoying the peace and quiet we seemed to get a lot of lately. I was flicking casually through a Neuroscience text book and Derek was completely submersed into his new Seattle Times Crossword.

"Okay, it's a film…finished with a seven letter word…_Notes on a…_what?" he asked me.

"Scandal!"

Derek chuckled to himself.

"How did we get back to crossword puzzles and current events honey?" he asked.

I laughed.

"Since we raised three children," I answered with a giggle knowing that in fact, our child raising had been a rollercoaster.

Derek laughed and leaned down to kiss me softly.

"And we've made it…" he said. "No more diapers, no more biting and no more of the terrible twos!"

I felt a sinking feeling in my stomach.

"Actually, honey…there is something I want to talk to you about…I have been meaning to tell you…" I said.

Derek diverted his attention to me.

"What is it sweetheart?" he questioned sweetly.

"Well…it's just…"

My words were starkly and suddenly interrupted by Mia's shouts from her not so distant bedroom.

"Mom!"

I groaned and looked at Derek.

Climbing out of bed slowly and sliding my feet into a pair of pink scuff slippers, I made my way over to the door and exited the bedroom into the hallway where I wandered over to Mia's room. As I walked through her bedroom door, I saw her sitting upright and shaking slightly.

"Baby…what's wrong?" I asked as I quickly raced over to the bed and wrapped my arms around her, holding her tightly.

"I-I-I h-heard a n-noise…" she stuttered.

I sighed and rubbed her back.

"It's probably just the rain sweetie…it's okay…"

After spending much time trying my best to coax Mia back to sleep, I made my way back into the bedroom and into bed.

"Sorry honey…" I sighed; but as I walked into our, now dark, bedroom, I noticed that Derek had in fact fallen asleep.

I smiled and walked over.

"Derek…" I whispered.

No answered.

"Derek…"

And with an evident and heavy sigh of defeat, I climbed under the covers and went back to sleep.

* * *

"Charlie! Let's go! We're going to be late!" I called as both Mia and Riley waited impatiently at the foot of the stairs.

"That's it!" Riley exclaimed. "Charlie!" he screamed loudly.

I whacked his arm lightly.

"Shut up!" I told him sternly. "I want you and Mia to go and sit in the car right now, and _I_ will take care of your sister!"

I started walking up the stairs only to hear Charlie's feet hitting the ground as she met me halfway down the stairs.

"Let's go!" I cried.

"Yeah, yeah!" Charlie replied.

I never felt more relieved that morning than to drop the kids at school; the chickenpox had tried my patience one too many times and it had also made the kids unbearably annoying. At this point, I was so desperate to get back to work.

Arriving at work, however, I opened the oak door to my office to see Cristina sitting on the edge of my desk, clearly waiting for me.

I shook my head.

"Don't you have an office?" I asked.

"Okay, seriously…I have to tell you that I have heard nothing except twins, twins and twins all week…so please tell me you can offer me more than just mommy talk!" Cristina begged.

I laughed.

"My children are at school and for me, it is surgery time!" I answered. "But I do have something to tell you…"

Cristina frowned.

"Spill," she ordered.

"I'm pregnant…" I sighed.

Her eyes widened so far that she bounced off the edge of the desk.

"What?" she screeched.

"You heard me!" I yelled reactively.

"But you…"

"Are stupid…I know…"

"How?"

"Do you need the birds and the bees talk again?"

Cristina groaned.

"Okay…what does McDreamy say?"

I looked at her nervously and watched her eyes widen another time when she realised what I was implying.

"You didn't tell him?" she cried.

I shook my head.

"Uh…why?"

"I went to…and I just…"

Interrupting my words, my cell phone started ringing incessantly.

"Hold that thought…" I flicked it open. "Hello?"

"Dr. Shepherd…?"

"Yes,"

"It's Principal Jones from Seattle East Middle School…I'm calling about your son…"

My heart sank.

"Is he okay?'

"Um…we have a slight situation here…"

"What?"

* * *

"You knocked him out?" I screeched as I walked through the doors of the principal's office. "Riley James Shepherd, I am so mad at you!"

Principal Jones looked at me and sighed.

"Why?" I asked a rather silent Riley.

Riley looked up and shrugged.

"Oh…no, no, no mister!" I said warningly. "You are going to give me answers young man!"

Riley groaned.

"Just because…" he sighed.

* * *

As suspension seemed to be the one way that school could discipline my very disobedient children, Riley came back to the hospital with me; I had called Derek on the way home and he was waiting for us at the entrance when we pulled up in the black BMW.

"This is bad…" Riley said.

"Riley…fighting at school is bad…" I told him with a shake of my head as we walked towards Derek.

Riley groaned.

"Great…the wrath of dad!"

Derek moved over to us rather quickly.

"Fighting?" he cried.

Riley shrugged.

"My office…now, young man!" Derek said angrily.

By the time we'd made our way to Derek's office, Derek had certainly let the anger boil in his head.

"You knocked a kid out?" he yelled.

"Dad…I just…"

"Why?"

"Because he stole my girlfriend!"

I almost started laughing.

"Your _girlfriend_?" I asked.

"She kissed Jayden…well, he kissed her!" Riley exclaimed.

"Your best friend?" Derek repeated.

Riley nodded.

Derek stopped for a moment and looked at Riley almost knowingly.

"Did you put your weight behind the punch?" he asked.

Riley nodded.

"Then, we're good!"

"Derek!" I cried. I turned to Riley. "Take your homework to my office,"

He nodded and walked out.

I shook my head and rested my arms around Derek's waist.

"I can't do this…" I sighed as I started to cry.

Derek tightened his grip for a moment as I started to feel the most side splitting and horrendous pain shoot through my abdomen; the pain grew unbearable and it was becoming difficult to breathe.

"Mer…"

"Derek…" I gasped for air in shallow and quick breaths.

"Mer…what is it?"

And with no warning…I collapsed.

**I'm sorry to leave you hanging there... and remember, Derek doesn't know that Mer is pregnant!**

**REVIEW!!**

**Amy.**


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